I'm in hell! David Heavener strikes again this month, marking the man's third appearance on Mondo Bizarro. The first time, he was the man who Wrote, Directed and Starred in Dawn of the Living Dead. That sucked. Next, he showed up in (Lethal Ninja) For Hire as a mulleted ninja. That sucked too. What makes me think that this movie will be any different? Well...nothing. Wait- it does have "Rowdy" Roddy Piper in it, so that could make it worthwhile. Of course, he's also been in a ton of shitty movies that weren't called They Live over the years, so I stand by my original opinion. Here's what you really need to know- this is not a new film. No, this is actually a 2006 film called Costa Chica: Confessions of an Exorcist. No, really. It was only crapped onto the DVD market to make some cash off of the official release of that film I reviewed yesterday. To save you from the major spoilers, here is yet another Review in Pictures. Let's pretend that this is the Colin Firth film that is also (sort of) called...
Our hero is a Preacher that specializes in Exorcism. That's about the only comparison to the other film.
Meanwhile, a blond girl is practicing for Cirque Du Soleil. Well, that or being possessed by (not) Pazuzu.
"Uh, Mr. Piper wandered onto the set again. Plus, who told him to play a mentally-handicapped person? You know that he has the range of a boulder thrown by a little girl right?"
The film is a bit confusing, as it begins In Media Res and then jumps back. It gets bonus points for playing the opening scene TWICE. Padding- what padding?!?
This makes David feel, well, you figure it out. I think someone is pinching his balls.
For no good reason, our hero has flashbacks to how he was kicked out of the Church. I won't say why, but it's a bit silly.
"Suck on this face, evil!"
"What the hell are you trying to express there?!? I'm so confused that I lose my strength."
"Don't grab the seam of my mask- it's the source of my power! You are one mighty Exorcist!"
Holy lame shit, Batman! The plot of this movie is both simple and confusing. It all has to do with our hero saving a girl from an actual demon, while also trying to get over the metaphorical demons of his past. This is confusing because the movie begins in the future, goes to the past events and then works its way to the future again. Between that, we get random flashbacks and cross-cutting between him and the family. Throw in the girl's scenes, some random talking pigs (I'll get to that) and Piper's sub-plot & you get a confusing mess. By the way, demons manifest themselves as talking pigs. I don't know- I guess it sounded cool on paper. Quite frankly, the whole film is just not that interesting. There are some crazy moments, but not enough to recommend it as a comedy. Some of you do like train wrecks though and this one definitely qualifies! Take us away, Spanish subtitles for 'they live'...
Up next, I take a look at the mainstream (and 3-D) version of a Jules Verne classic. Why is it always mummies? Stay tuned...
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