Sunday, December 25, 2016

Holiday Grapple Crap: Santa's Little Helper (2015)

After facing down Krampus, I have to face...The Miz.  Yes, he is here to haunt my Christmas yet again!  Today's Film is Santa's Little Helper, a 2015 Film that has been haunting my DVD Rack since last December.  I got it as part of a Gift Exchange I do with my friends, but knew that I wouldn't touch it until December.  Sure enough, I left it wrapped until the beginning of this Month.  I still needed time to work my way up to this Made-for-TV nonsense anyhow.  This time, The Miz is a Businessman who is a complete asshole.  In other words, not a giant stretch.  As far as Real World Cast Members go, he's somewhere between the guy who sometimes writes good Comics and the guy who puts on a Southern Accent to stay in the Senate...somehow.  When his life unravels, he's somehow the perfect guy to get a magical job with Santa Claus.  Of course!  This one is at least more appropriate for the Holidays than the one he was in in which Mobsters want to kill people on Christmas.  Is it any good?  To find out, read on...
The Miz is a complete asshole who is going to foreclose on an Orphanage in December.
...but then he loses his job, his girlfriend and his car.  He's Acting now!
When Santa's Second-in-Command is forced due to retire due to off-screen Dementia.  For kids!

His Daughter- WWE's Paige- wants the job, but can't...since Santa doesn't like her, I guess.
Santa's Personal Trainer is sent to test The Miz for the job.  Does the job require doing Squats?  Otherwise, I'm not sure why she is the person for the job.
A Douchebag in a Car Getting Coffee.
We interrupt the Film for a pointless Sub-Plot about another Elf trying to find his identity.  That is all.
Miz's Training for the job involves trying to talk down angry Bikers, deal with kids and doing shirtless Aerobics with some old Ladies.  This Mike is less Magic than promised.
His final Test involves helping a Stranger get back a Ring.  He does threatening a Teenager.

Conflict comes back when Paige challenges him for the job.  The Challenge: something out of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge.  Miz should have this in the bag!
Can Miz find himself and save the day?  Can Santa manipulate more people for the day is done?  Can this girl realize that she's using the wrong spelling of 'Center?'

To find out, watch the Film (if you insist).  The End.
Damn.  On the plus side, this is not as bad as I thought it would be.  On the negative side, I'm not sure that I laughed even once.  It wasn't unbearable, but it sure wasn't that good.  The Miz, to be fair, does try to act sometimes.  He's not that good...but at least I was being fair just then.  He's at least the Lead this time, so the Film isn't trying to trick you like Christmas Bounty.  This one does try to give you a good message- don't become a dickbag if one guy is a dickbag to you.  Get it?  Got it?  Good.  I want all you kids growing up under President Trump to pay special attention to that one!  Instead of Miz being sold as a Lead and not being one, we've got Paige.  She appears in about 4 Scenes, not counting reaction shots that could have been made at any point and time.  Her conflict over leading is both odd (why is she so high-ranking if she's so bad?) and silly (why is she not assumed for the job if he Dad was doing it and presumably vouched for her?).  Thank God it and the 'Elf wants to be someone else' Subplots aren't here, otherwise the Film wouldn't hit exactly 90 minutes.  Phew!  In addition, they stole a whole Plot from Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.  I just thought that you should know that.  If you like cheap, Family Films with all of the usual stuff (schmaltz, predictability and pratfalls), this will work.  If you like better Films, watch Gremlins this Christmas.  According to his Entrance Graphic, Maryse is 'The Most Successful Businesswoman in the World' (paraphrasing), so...why is she working in a Dive Bar?
Next up, a classic Horror Film who's awful Sequels have already been covered.  Is God in the Machine or is it someone else?

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