The Real White Meat: We're Going To Eat You!

This review- like Hell of the Living Dead- is actually a long-time coming. It was planned as a review for That Guy With The Glasses before I decided to switch to just doing lists there (as they got a lot more hits). In a way, I feel bad about doing this as We're is everything my site is about: a weird, obscure movie filmed in another country that makes no damn sense. The story is so odd that I find it hard just to write about. On top of that, the movie is about six different genres at once, making it all the more confusing. Even so, I had a good time watching it and you might too. This is...

We're Going To Eat You!

Our story begins with a pair of men wandering onto an abandoned island. Somehow, I think that this will end badly. Sure enough, a group of weird men in wooden masks attack them. This is where we run into one of the key issues of the film: there is no straight man. Both men act about as sane and logical as the black man in a minstrel show- not that I approve of those. At this point, you realize exactly what the tone of this movie is going to be: spastic. The story proper involves our hero- Agent 999- being sent to investigate a thief that vanished in the area. Gee, I wonder if these two plots will merge somehow. So our hero is a weirdo who does not exactly take life-threatening situations all that seriously. Somehow, I question how simple his investigation is going to be. It's not like the place is full of people that want to kill and eat him. Oh wait, it is. Have fun, Agent 999.

*

The movie just continues to get even stranger from here-on out. I know- that's saying a lot. Basically, it boils down to this...
-Agent 999 chases the thief.
-The duo gets attacked by cannibals.
-Agent 999 chases the thief again.
-One or more gets attacked by cannibals.
-A super-tall transvestite shows up for some reason. Don't ask me to explain it.
-More kung-fu and weird jokes, plus lots of cut-up limbs.

*

You'll have to forgive me for not doing a normal review, but this movie is just too damn weird for that! As I mentioned in my original review of this on Netflix, the movie needs to learn the meaning of the word 'tone it down.' The film has no straight man and simply throws weirdness at you like some sort of insanity machine-gun or a bizarreness catapult! Imagery like that is the kind of thing is what this movie has to offer and you will either like it or you won't. As for me, I was entertained throughout, even if I did not know what to think at the time. Looking back at it, I can't ask for much more than that really. So, in summary- weird.

*

Next up, a young Mr. Arnold comes to New York. Will this giant man fit in or will forced hijinks ensue? Stay tuned...