First off, this movie is not about necrophilia. There are many dead people involved, but there is no orgy that takes place. If you want to see that kind of stuff, look at the films Wood made even later that were actual porn. Today's film is actually about strippers...and that's pretty much it. I'll get into that in the full review portion. The other things to note are the bumping of Criswell up from narrator to lead actor & the confusion about the production heading. The movie is officially directed by Stephen C. Apostolof, also known as A.C. Stephens. It is supposedly produced by both Wood and Stephens & based on a novel- really- by Wood himself. When you see the film, you have to wonder how it was supposed to work as a novel. This bizarre piece of crap is known as...
The film begins with Criswell sitting up in a coffin and reading a monologue. But wait, you're saying, isn't that how Night of the Ghouls started too? Well, it's much different, dear readers. How? Well, it's in color! In addition, Criswell is wearing a Dracula cape. Is it the real one? There are disputes about that, actually, as one report has Bela being buried in that one. Did he? Did they? Eh, who cares? The film proper begins with a couple driving a car around a long, winding road. Oh no, it's the sequel to Manos: The Hand of Fate! No, it's actually some random people in a scene that makes the color idea look bad. Their 'car' is obviously a prop in a properly-Ed Wood black room, while the car stock footage is at light dusk at best. The man talks about how he is a writer for hire and does whatever people need him to. Too subtle, Ed! Their car crashes in what looks like the ending to a Toonces skit and they wake up in a graveyard. They are met by a group of weirdos, including vampire Criswell, a second-rate Vampire, a mummy and a Wolfman. How could is the make-up work? Well, we got a shot where the Wolfman laughs and you can see his neck when the mask stops at the bottom of his neck. Need I say more?
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So where is this going? What evil plot do the monsters have? Well, I'll tell you, but you may not believe me. Basically, they want to bite our two heroes and turn them into one of their own. But, business comes later here. Instead of jumping right to it, the villains unleash a bunch of topless dancers in theme outfits. Yes, I did just say that. Most of the movie is about women in barely-there outfits that slow-dance with their breasts hanging out. How do I review this exactly? I'll give you a summary of some of the dancers...-Hawaiian Dancer
-Mexican Dancer
-(American) Indian Dancer
-Skeleton Dancer
-Cat Dancer (with cut-outs for the breasts)
-Zombie Dancer (my favorite, for all the wrong reasons)
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There is a little plot spliced in between these segments, but just barely. For example, the vampire woman says 'we need to kill them' and Criswell will say 'no, not yet.' If you can't get past the idea of topless women dancing badly, don't bother with this movie. One 'interesting' part has a women being taken off-camera and coming back as the Gold Dancer. Why? Why would you start to question this movie now? After all the talk about how 'they must kill them before the sun rises,' the villains fail to do so and turn into skeleton props. Our heroes just sort of leave and the movie ends. Thank God!
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Say what you will about Ed Wood, but his original films never got this bad. In fact, the only Wood film before this to engage in any 'cheesecake' is Glen or Glenda, which has a whole segment added by the producers. How do I know this? Because Ed himself does not appear in the footage and it features a woman being whipped on a couch for no reason. I'd make a joke about that scene being a 'Big-Lipped Alligator Moment,' but this whole movie is one! This movie is clearly by Apostolof and suffers for it. Mind you, Ed can share some of the blame, since he wrote the original story and the screenplay adaptation. The only reason for this movie could be to show topless women...which is a noble one. I'm only kidding, by the way. It is a strange anomaly of a film that somehow has survived for the last 44 years and made it to DVD. Stuff like that is pretty rare, so I guess it should be preserved. For a look at how much lower Ed's career could go, check out Part 5 of my Ed Wood reviews on 12/15. It's...something.
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Next up, kung-fu meets superhero film is a horrible mish-mash. It could have been good too! Stay tuned...
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