I really should avoid movies that have the tag-line 'From the Creators of Kiltro' on the front, shouldn't I? This movie is a foreign import from over in Mexico and boy, oh boy, I wish they had just kept it to themselves! The film stars a rising up-and-comer in the kung-fu market. The man is legitimately-impressive, even though he could not act his way out of an imaginary paper bag. Now, to be completely honest, I have seen low-budget foreign superhero films before. Hell, I've reviewed one! The point is that I know what to expect and what level I should set them at. What I got here is not even close to those though! Unlike myself, the movie does not know what it wants to be. Think that I am exaggerating? If so, check out my review of...
The film begins by laying out the tale of some brothers who go through some hard times. By 'some hard times,' of course, I mean that their parents are killed and they are both raped. Don't worry- they don't show you that part. The important part is that we get two messed-up people. One of them is a large, loner that works as a bouncer at a nightclub, while the other is a teenager who is afraid to leave his room. By the way, the age difference here is dramatic. It does not make it impossible for them to 'be brothers,' mind you, it just makes it a bit silly. While out jogging, the older one runs across a home invasion and decides to intercede. He knocks one guy out and steals his mask. I get that you want to fool his partner, but you're 6'8 and muscular, while his partner is normal-sized and in a different outfit! He saves the day and one of the victims happens to be a TV broadcaster, who makes her story into the news. Channel 8 News- What Happens To Us Is What Really Matters! After the news breaks, the guy is told that his brother perked up...for some reason. Want to see a story go down-hill really fast? Read on...
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The hulking man goes through a fashion montage that is apparently supposed to be funny. The key words are 'supposed to be.' In his ridiculous get-up (which includes a fanny pack!), he goes to stop a mugger. Fortunately, the guy spends about five minutes standing in an alley while our hero tries to get changed. The men go down in proper stunt-men fashion and our hero leaves a note at the scene. By the way, he does not hand-cuff them or call the cops...so presumably they were either dead or just walked away five minutes later. On his note, he leaves...his e-mail address. 'When you are in distress, get to a computer, send a message and hope I'm bored at work!' This actually works and he even gets a cyber-stalker named 'Pseudo-Robin.' Are you Robin or not?!? Mirageman's first mission (they used kitschy title cards, by the way) turns out to be a trap by a group of poorly-dressed gangsta stereotypes. Despite half of them looking to be about fifteen, our hero has no problem spin-kicking the crap out of them! Scenes like this are good, but few and far between. We are burdened with a sub-plot about the brother, one about Pseudo-Robin (who never shuts the hell up!), one about an evil gang and one about the reporter.
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The best part is a bit where he has to go rescue the reporter from 'a gang.' What follows is a series of one-on-one fights that are actually good. The whole thing goes to hell when it is revealed to be a trick by the network to get him fighting on film. To make matters worse, he narrowly avoids death when he badly-infiltrates a hide-out of villains. Those villains: the Pedophile League. Did you just make 'pedophilia' into a joke, movie? He gets depressed, his brother gets worse again and he nearly commits suicide. Where's my fun action movie, guys? He is convinced to fight one more time and gets some real weapons. On his second attempt, he starts killing people with wrist blades or their own guns. Bi-Polar Theater, anyone? In the climax, he gets shot at by the head guy (the head pedophile, I guess) who only aims at the big metal gauntlets and not, you know, his chest! Our brave hero of the people decapitates the man and frees the girl, but gets shot by other villains. His death is a noble one...but he appears to be alive. Of course, only his crazy brother sees him, so maybe he still is. The End.
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This could have been a good movie, but they royally screwed it up! The tone changes randomly from attempted-comedy to action to drama and back to action...for about a minute. I can't keep up with this movie. On top of that, most of those genres are done badly, save for action. The lead- other than not talking for nearly 20 minutes of the film- is a good fit for the role and does some legitimately-impressive feats of athleticism. What's not impressive about this whole thing is the acting. Even in the original Spanish audio, it is terrible. Who knows, maybe the dubbing would have helped! Speaking of unimpressive, I have to mention the man who played 'Pseudo-Robin.' Basically, picture a Mexican version of Patton Oswalt who is not funny and only drones on and on. The only good part with him is when he runs up to fight and is knocked out within seconds, never to be seen again. The bottom line: you are better of with most other kung-fu films or superhero films. This movie changes tone and story so randomly and has plot-holes that you could break a trade embargo through them! Complete and total fail.
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Next up on the block, a film so strange and random that it could only come from China. If you ever wanted to see a kung-fu comedy/spy film with cannibals, this is pretty much it. Stay tuned...
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