Thailand loves Spider-Man. This fact is made apparent in today's review. I managed to find this movie at one of my local video stores, but I actually liked it. So it's not going to be in Blockbuster Trash for that reason. I save that segment for films that combine earthquakes and terrorists or low-budget films about space marines. Today's film is a real oddity and no amount of explanation I can give you will make it logical. So, instead, let's jump right into the weirdness that is...
Mercury Man
Our story begins with a group of terrorists and a masked person going to a Buddhist temple. When they finally get there, the monk protectors take out most of the gunmen. The masked person removes their mask to reveal...a woman. *Gasp* A woman can do martial-arts? Since when?!? Anyhow, she beats up the monks and steals a mysterious amulet. Without any explanation, our narrative cuts to Bangkok and our heroic firefighter lead. He goes out of his way to save a baby, sliding down a long rope and to the ground. We learn, however, that the whole thing was a drill and our hero is berated for 'being a hero.' This won't play a role in the film later, will it?
*
A very important prisoner is deposited in a nearby prison...for some reason. Why you would just dump him in any old prison is not exactly clear. A short while later, a fire breaks out at the prison. Do you really think that it is so simple though? It is all part of a ruse to distract the guards and free the prisoner. Our heroic firefighter runs off by himself to stop the fire in a different location and runs across, you guessed it, the bad guys. During the attack, he gets a mysterious amulet stabbed into his chest and is shot. He awakens later to discover some new changes in his body. He learns that he can shoot webs and...oh wait, he's not Spider-Man. He actually learns that his skin heals quickly, he is nearly invulnerable and has magnetic powers. Same difference.
*
The plot gets interesting now. Our lead decides to become a superhero and designs a costume. Going out as Mercury Man, he stops such crimes as robbery, assault and...runaway elephants. Well, they had to work in elephants somehow. The Spider-Man references come from how he travels. They animate it (it's all obviously CG) as if he is extending his arm out to shoot a web and then get pulled towards something. What he is supposed to be doing is using his magnetic powers to pull himself hundreds of feet towards bridges and poles. Yeah, that makes sense. Unfortunately, the frivolity of this is counterbalanced by the presence of our villains who plan to use the artifact in Mercury Man's body as part of a bomb against the U.S. military. Don't analyze it or you will go insane.
*
The whole thing plays out in a relatively straight-forward manner, albeit with a couple of kinks that come with the film being foreign. The terrorists kidnap our hero's family, which consists of his mother and transvestite brother/sister (depending on how you lean politically), and force him to come to them. He gets himself captured, but breaks free at the right moment. Here is the problem though: he barely does any of the work. His bro-ster helps take out one of the lead guards and another person stops the missiles. He just battles the villain and his main cohort. Of course, without a missile to fire off, they cannot do a whole hell of a lot. After some silly CG and honestly-good Muay Thai action, the heroes win and the villains lose. All is right with the world. I mean, aside from global warming, political coups and Miley Cyrus. The End.
*
The movie is fun and has a sort of quirky charm to it. It is not that clever or well-written and, when it comes to plot structure, it does not break the mold. On top of that, the CG and CG doubles were more on par with Daredevil than with Spider-Man. I say all that, but you must consider one thing: it is about a firefighter who gains super-powers from a space amulet that is stabbed into his chest. What kind of logic can you really attach to a movie like that? You get kick-boxing, silly CG effects and a tranvestite, all in one movie. What else can you really ask for?
*
What's even better than an X-rated cartoon? It's very much forgotten sequel. Stay tuned...
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