How have I put off talking about this movie? I mean, it's a zombie film out of Italy that was made by Bruno Mattei, the man behind Rats and Strike Commando. Maybe it was because I did not have a blog at the time that I saw it. Even so, the first thing to write about is 'Holy shit, Bruno Mattei made his own zombie movie!' Instead, I talked about Gymkata, which does have its own spot in hell, mind you. Before I go a step beyond self-deprecation and just go into self-flagellation, maybe I should just review this movie. The thing about it is that it has so many other shitty moments in it that get overshadowed by the specter of 'Bruno Mattei directed it.' Let's just dig right into...
The movie begins with a very long credit sequence that immediately sets you to the right level of disappointment. How does it do it so quickly? By giving you the credit of 'Music by The Goblin.' Oh great, I love Goblin (the band behind the soundtrack of Suspiria and most early Argento films)! It is a moment later that you realize that this 'Music by The Goblin' is the same 'Music by The Goblin' from Europe's cut of Dawn of the Dead. Bruno counters the argument that the Italian zombie films are a rip-off of Romero's work by stealing the soundtrack from a Romero film? Fail. Oh right, the movie! The movie begins with a commando group sent in to break up a hostage situation in a vague-looking building. They act like big, macho jerks, thus defining the entire breadth of their characters. They shoot up the bad guys in the least convincing way possible- aside from those films in which people don't bleed when shot- and go off on vacation to celebrate. Since this is a zombie film, you know what is going to happen. Only, logic does not play a part in this zombie outbreak, people.*
I'll spare you all of the techno-babble, since it hurts so badly, and just tell you that a nuclear leak occurs and zombies break out. You wanted more logic than that? You are watching the wrong damn movie, people! Out in the woods/jungle (it varies between scenes), a reporter is out doing a local piece. They run across a ghost town and some undead trouble. Meanwhile, our heroes show up and find their R&R ruined. Although, to be fair, people like this may actually find this more relaxing. They take to the whole 'zombie-killing' thing pretty well, I must say. Do you want to stop for a moment and name all the cliches on hand? Shambling zombies? Obviously, yes. Zombie kids? Yep. Okay, break over. In between stock footage, our heroes drive, run and drive some more. Even in the face of that, more crazy shit happens that just has to be seen to be believed. My favorite: the scene where they send the woman into a tribe of New Guinea natives. How? By slapping paint all over the half-naked, white woman. No, I'm not kidding! As a nice aside, the movie features a reporter and her camera man attacked by zombies, a good 20+ years ahead of ORec.*
The movie has so little plot that you just have to focus on the characters. What we get are a bunch of psychopaths, who put on woman's dresses, taunt zombies and just generally laugh in the face of death. Of course, given that this is an Italian zombie film, most of them meet grisly deaths. The film just sort of rambles along aimlessly, occasionally stopping for a zombie attack. Any more narrative than 'let's go away' is not worth this movie's time. They go towards the source of the plague- good call- and ultimately die at the hands of unconvincing gore. Watching the woman get her face punched out from behind is interesting, even if it is a page right out of Zombie 4's finale. But the movie does not end here. Instead, we get a bad facsimile of New York (stock footage and undefined location shots) that is under attack by a zombie plague...somehow. The End.
*
Yeah, this movie is bad. Even by Bruno's standards, this movie hurts. It has almost no real plot (zombie outbreak occurs and people wander around) and terrible acting. Mind you, the whole thing is dubbed, so any good performance has probably been killed. Of course, I just used the word 'good' in relation to a Mattei film, which makes me feel unclean. One problem that is prevalent in this film, as in all Mattei films that I have seen, is excessive padding. Take the jungle wandering scenes in Strike Commando and Robowar or the science segments in Rats. Hell, his entire contribution to Zombi 3 is padding! The man never made a good film in his life (R.I.P. Bruno) and this is no exception. At least he was consistent.
*
Up next, another review that has been a long time coming. Mexican wrestlers, Dracula and a Cyclops- oh my! Stay tuned...
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