Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Bolly-Horror: Freddy's Indian Nightmares (repost)

India is a really strange place- simply put. They are the perpetrators of today's movie, a curious little film that rips off the Nightmare on Elm Street series. Made in 1988, this film rips off all three of the films at the time. To make matters stranger, the film was delayed for five years due to a stagnant horror market in India. By the way, there is a horror market in India (they have a new film called Agyaat). So yeah, all of the horrible 80s fashions and references seemed even sillier than they should have. Well, let's stop dancing around it, since there will be plenty of dancing to come. It is time to watch...
Mahakaal (aka Bollywood Freddy)
As our credits roll, a young woman is being chased by an enigmatic being. The fact that the place is full of smoke, chains and pipes is merely a coincidence. It's not like this was in the first Elm Street film or anything. The being finally reveals itself to be a tall, scarred man with a claw full of gloves. Oh my God, it's Deadpool! No, it's actually our rip-off villain, who wears a long coat and has hair, making him look more like The Undertaker than Freddy. She wakes up and it was all a dream...or was it? Aw, who am I kidding? You all know how this works. We are introduced to her friends, who are incredibly non-descript. Well, except for the pasty guy who is obsessed with Michael Jackson. He also breaks the 4th wall with a joke about getting a job in a Ramsay Brothers film (they made this movie). As a bonus, we get two different musical numbers. One of them involves our two leads singing and dancing to a love song...all by themselves. How romantic is it when you never cross eyes? The other is one featuring the whole cast dancing on the beach. Um, where is the monster again?

We finally get some monster attacks, but only after *sigh* more 'comedy.' One girl is chased around an all too similar set and scared by snakes. Oddly, she doesn't die in her dream...oh, apparently she died of fright- lame. Her boyfriend sees her die, which is dramatic. Let's break that up with humor, shall we? Our heroine is attacked in her dreams again, this time with the image of her dead friend. We get a sub-plot involving the police suspecting the man of murder, since the death was so unexplainable- I'll say! The movie does not want to constantly focus on stuff like that. Instead, we get pointless scenes like two different fights between our hero and the douche-bag guy. The latter is just jealous that he does not have the hand of the female lead. If you ever wanted to see bad stage-fighting where people never connect with punches, this is your movie. Speaking of filler, we get a whole part where two woman go home after a movie, only to be targeted by potential rapists. They flee to a crowded bar, but that does no good. Fortunately, our fat hero shows up dressed as a movie character I don't know and saves the day. This adds what? Give us some silly back-story, please.
Finally, the father of our heroine explains the villain's back-story. Instead of being a child molester, he was a Satanist that kidnapped our heroine as a child and tried to sacrifice her to Satan...despite having a Catholic cross on the wall. He is stopped by the man, burned with a torch and buried. All of this revelation comes too late to stop him from possessing the girl via an attack through his flying glove. This leads us into the rip-off aspect of Part II, although it is more resembling to Prom Night II. She does *sigh* a dance number to entice the douche-bag, only to lead him to a trap. She seems to be trapped in the cushion, which has been replaced with a small bathtub covered by a plastic sheet. Faster than you can 'Hello Mary Lou,' he is killed by the spiritual beast. To finish up the rip-offs, the heroes battle 'Freddy' and make use of 'dream powers.' While not as odd as Part III, our hero does flip through the air for no reason. They drop a guillotine blade on his back, which, oddly, makes his feet get cut off. After our heroine screams from the safety of a metal door, they toss the villain into the hell portal they borrowed from Zombie 4. The End.
This movie is, well, strange. The film is over two hours long and chock full of filler. I would guess that maybe 20 minutes of actual film is related to their 'Freddy' and his dream attacks. Between the long dance numbers (I counted at least four) and fight scenes, the movie is chock full of more filler than air in a bag of Fritos. That said, the sight of these movies being interpreted via Indian producers and actors is a sight to behold! How often can you say that you have seen a foreign rip-off this weird? This is coming from the man who owns Black Cobra and The Dragon Lives Again, mind you! The fact that the Mondo Macabro went through all the trouble to unearth this movie and share it with everyone says a lot about their devotion to bizarre cinema. That or they secretly hate us.
I will try not to delete this again. Stay tuned...

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