Sunday, April 2, 2017

Top 12 Worst WWE Studios Films (That I've Reviewed)

With Wrestlemania (number redacted as to not sound old) today, we might as well look back at some of their other works.

To note, I'm only including Films I covered here, so I'm not at fault if The Condemned 2 is worse.

12. 12 Rounds 3- Lockdown: This one is actually alright, hence its low placement.  The Story is pretty basic and has very few twists.  Even so, Dean Ambrose has a natural Charisma and the Action is satisfactory.

11. See No Evil: A so-so, nothing much to talk about Slasher Film.  I like Kane, so I'll be a bit nice here...for now.

10. The Chaperone: HHH teams up with the voice of Lisa Simpson!  This attempted Family Comedy has some surprisingly-good moments.  I clearly should have watched the OTHER HHH Family Film which involves Murder.  Besides, money from that Film didn't go to build another Scientology Center...

9. Vendetta: The real Big Evil.  This one could have been good, but it is very one-note.  Cain's Character seeks revenge...and gets it.  I hope you enjoyed No Moral Theater!

8. The Flintstones & WWE- Stone Age Smackdown: Am I still too old to be reviewing this?  Oh well- I already did.  The Story is basic and by-the-numbers.  It does feature super-buff Rey Mysterio and The Undertaker in a pink speedo, so it stays out of the Bottom 5.

7. The Jetsons & WWE- Robowrestlemania: The most recent one does still make the list.  Just like the previous Film, I am older than the demo...but this is still doofy.  The whole Plot would simply be resolved if they just unfroze The Big Show.  After all, George Jetson knows where he is in the Present.

Also, doesn't their resolution break time itself by creating a SECOND Big Show in 2017?

6. Santa's Little Helper: The first of many Miz Films.  This one is pretty safe as far as things go and The Miz learns a lesson.  He also gets beat up by Paige (who is all over the News these days), so it is a win-win.  The fact that they ripped off Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo though...

5. Christmas Bounty: The Miz ruins Christmas yet again.  This one is slightly-worse for featuring a silly Plot and some bad Action Scenes.  On top of that, The Miz gets the girl, so...-5 Stars.

4. The Marine 4- Moving Target: One more time for Mr. Mizanin.  This one has almost no Plot and is mostly just a bunch of shoot-outs.  If you expect more, you won't get it.  It also features Summer Rae, setting the stage for Paige.  Insert Brad Maddox joke here.

3. 12 Rounds 2- Reloaded: Randy Orton- Lead Actor.  The guy can work in certain roles, but Charismatic Lead in an Action Film...not so much.  The cliche revenge Plot is a half-hearted rehash of the original and very little stands out.

2. See No Evil 2: Dreary nothing of a Slasher.  Do you like Slasher Films with less of a Plot than a Friday the 13th Film?  Do you like a Film about nothing but assholes being killed by a silent assassin?  Do you need to see every Horror Film Danielle Harris has ever been in?

If so, you are the audience for this Sequel.  Count me out.

1. Leprechaun- Origins: This one checks all of the wrong boxes.  Boring Reboot of a funny Film- check.  Dreary Tone and listless Action- check.  Bad use of Practical Effects- check.  No Warwick Davis- sadly, a big check.

So those are the worst Films that I've reviewed from them so far.  Is The Condemned 2 worse?  Is Knucklehead?

Let me know in the Comments.

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