Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Quick Reviews: Embrace of the Vampire (2013)

Yes, THIS got a Remake!  Well, since it is here, I might as well...embrace it...
A mysterious, new girl has enrolled in a University.  Her constant, subdued demeanor makes her a real...Lead, I guess.
She begins a relationship of sorts with her combination Teacher/Fencing Instructor.  What are the odds?!?

If you wanted a mix of Twilight and Black Swan, you're in luck!
Is the fact that our Heroine is n all sorts of drugs a real Plot Point?  Is it an excuse to have lots of pointless nightmare scenes?

This strange lady sure is important.  I can't wait for her to die once her worth is gone.  Get on that mystery.
That is, of course, provided that she doesn't get distracted by pointless fan service.
Can she solve the mystery of her life?  Will I stay awake?

To find out the answers, watch the Film.  The End.
It doesn't have much bite.  Vampire puns- do I ever get tired of them?  Nope.  I do get a bit tired of standard, by-the-numbers Remakes and Sequels though.  1995's Embrace is notable for being a Film featuring Alyssa Milano.  This one has...replacement The Rock from the Scorpion King Sequels.  Hey- those were disappointing Sequels/Remakes too!  Fun Side-Note: our new Villain was on Charmed with Alyssa Milano.  Thanks, IMDB!  All of this random, pointless Trivia is generally more interesting than talking about the Film.  Our Lead is just so bland and just doesn't emote.  Our Villain isn't even that interesting.  This thing also introduces new, stupid rules to the Vampire Lore- yea!  Without going into too much detail, I have to ask one important thing.  If the Sunlight can kill Vampires in this Film (it can), how does our Villain disguise himself?  Does he only take Classes that start after Sundown?  Does he run frantically from his Home to his Office while covering himself in a coat and hat?  Right there- that is more fun than making it through this Film.  If you like Films that just pad themselves out with pointless dream sequences, then you'll like The Lords of Salem.  I guess this one will work too...if you must.  Pro-tip for Vampire Films made post-2008- don't remind us of Twilight with your Aerial Shots!
Considering that this is just Direct-to-DVD/Streaming stuff, it is alright.  It just only has a few tricks to play.

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