London Sucking: (Area) 51

* Yes, this review is late.  Big whoop- wanna fight about it? *

Do you believe in Aliens at Area 51?  What if I were to tell you that they existed?  The only catch- there's about four of them.  If you're going to dream, dream bigger, movie.  This After Dark film is all about aliens in suits attacking a small army of people, not even counting the *actual* Army.  If you like films with way too much going on and that appears to be Edited by someone with ADHD, you'll love this film.  It's got a few people that should be able to do better, but, realistically, can't these days.  This includes Rachel Miner, Bruce Boxleitner, John Shea and Jason London.  It's a Cavalcade of C-List Celebrities.  As a bonus, it's Directed by D-List Actor Turned Director Jason Connery, son of you-know-who.  This movie could be great or a mess.  To find out what it is, read on...

Thanks to some Green Screen exposition, we learn that the U.S. Military is opening up Area 51 to the press.  Okay then.

The 'Press' is made up of one TV Journalist- think Wolf Blitzer- and one blogger- think 'Not Me.'  Their wandering around 51 makes up one portion of the plot.

We also get a separate plot of sorts with a military group that goes in for a later rescue and a group that stays behind to watch the exit.  Way to focus, movie!

Things go bad when one of the aliens- a shape changer- escapes and frees the other.  One of them is called Lady Death, but it's not a busty woman- sadly.

I want to take a moment from explaining the plot to explain what build-up is to this movie.

If you introduce an invisibility device (and a sonic gun) in the film, it is for later use near the end.  It is not, however, something you randomly introduce and never use again!  Good grief!

The two main aliens- Lady Death and Little Devil- go on a killing spree.  It doesn't matter that their designs look like a cross between Xtro II and The Fly 2- this movie is not using too much CG.  I'm in moderately-accepting Heaven!

Helping one set of heroes through one of the three plots is this psychic alien who has been working in Area 51 for years.  Just don't tell him how you shot down his ship or...oops.

What is the dark secret of the base?  What is this phallic-shaped alien watching?  Will the film continue to fast and loose with their own rules?  All I'll tell you is this...

Things go boom.  Hope that helps you out.  The End.

Could be worse, I guess.  In all seriousness, this movie had potential.  The idea of aliens on the loose in Area 51 is certainly one that I can get behind.  The problem is, well, a lot.  Yes, suck it, grammar!  For starters, the movie has no idea how to focus.  Three different plots- way too much.  Seriously, just pick a story and stick with it.  Furthermore, this is just a pretense to throw a whole bunch of actors in the movie that nobody cares about.  Thanks for showing up, Jason London!  With this split-up narrative, it's hard to focus on one story and/or care about those involved.  Kind of ruins the point is all i'm saying.  In the film's defense, the action is decent, the effects are good and the overall atmosphere is there.  In more competent hands, I think it could have been a great bit of B-Movie gold.  As it is, it sets up rules and breaks them- see the shape changer- and throws out random twists with no backing.  How does the alien take over people sometimes and how come little things- like it having green blood- not always come into play.  I really wanted to like you more movie, but you just made it so hard.  I'll give you a C for effort though, in spite of this random reference...

Up next, a week of silly vampire films.  First up, a *modern* update of Bram Stoker's classic, complete with a muddled plot, silly effects and an overly-long title.  Stay tuned...