Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Syfy Fun: Pterodactyl

You had to know that this day was coming.  Dinosaur films are a staple of cheap, Direct-to-DVD/Video fare.  Coolio has spend the last decade or so making cheap, Direct-to-DVD/Video fare.  Naturally, these two met in a film for the ages- Pterodactyl.  In many ways, this film resembles Raptor Island, only with the Military plot broken up by a shallow plot about scientists.  When in doubt, make two, dumb movies!  In all seriousness, there is some intentional and unintentional fun to be had here- much like Raptor Island.  Will this film be as 'good' or funny as that one?  To find out, you'll have to just read on...
Thanks to some silly contrivance involving an earthquake in Turkey, some Pterodactyl eggs roll near a volcano and begin to hatch.  No, really.
In Plot A, Coolio is leading a Covert Ops team to take out some Turkish terrorist.  I'll just assume it's the guy from The Deathless Devil.  You get 5 points for getting that joke.
Meanwhile, in Plot B, a Scientist, his Aide and some young adults are out in the Woods of Turkey.  Yeah, seems safe, especially when they find trees coated in a form of bird urine.  Ew.
The titular creatures try to attack the film's token blond, but she gets away.  The perverted nerd character, however, is not so lucky.
Our plots finally coincide when the remaining Terrorists come across the remainders of Plot B & hold them hostage.  Coolio and the Gang eventually burst into action...but only after one of the men nearly rapes the Aide.  America- F#@% Yeah!
In the film's silliest Plot Device (which is saying a bit), Coolio busts out the gang's secret weapon: a missile launcher, complete with a guidance system tied to a silly-looking VR Helmet.  No, really.

Boom goes the Pterodactyl.
In some amazing luck, the Pterodactyls don't kill our heroine, but instead bring her to the nest to feed the kids.  Thankfully, she has the ability to hide two feet in front of them and wait for rescue.
Naturally, the whole film comes down to the silly helmet-aimed missile launcher.  With one last shot, our hero takes out the Alpha Male, apparently making the rest just kind of leave.
In a sequel-bait ending (of sorts), a trip through the CG cave reveals...a T-Rex.  Of course, that was in there too!  The End.
Fro crap, it's pretty fun.  Like a kid making a mess in a YouTube video, it's hard to stay mad at this movie.  It's so charmingly-awful and inept that I love it.  The characters are so stock that you could make soup with them.  The CG effects are so hilarious that I'm actually surprised that it's not an Asylum film.  The Writing is so silly that I almost expect a clown to show up.  Is this movie bad?  Yes.  It's essentially two silly movies- a bunch of soldiers in the Woods and a Teacher bringing his students out to the woods- crammed together with some Dinosaurs thrown into it.  To be fair, the movie does mix in some practical effects like puppet heads/claws for some scenes.  You all know that I prefer those and they mostly work here.  The film is goofy fun, but the plot does get kind of dark at times.  For example, one soldier and one student are injured & stay behind at a Cabin.  While our heroes go to save the film's heroine, the former dies from her wounds and the other is attacked by the Pterodactyls.  The film never cuts back to them, which I guess is better than having our happy heroes find bloody corpses.  Speaking of things that aren't ever addressed, Coolio and the Gang rescue a woman from the Terrorist's camp and...she is never shown again.  What happened to her?  Did she just fall into a hole in the time-space continuum or something?  The bottom line: if you can enjoy this film's silly flaws, you'll have a silly and fun time.  Some films are art.  This film is that drawing your kid made when he was 2.
Next up, a film full of boobs, bad effects and more boobs.  How has this been sitting on my shelf for nearly two years un-watched?!?  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. I picked up a DVD of this for $2, looks like I'll be getting my money's worth when it makes its way to the top of my To Watch pile!