When one film about ants won't work, there's always another. I was planning to review Ants, giving Strange Killers Week a bit of '70s mojo. That wasn't to be, but fortunately, I had a back-up. Naturally, my back-up was a Direct-to-Video film starring C. Thomas Howell. I just love my life. Glass Trap is actually a film that I considered renting at one point for a review. However, I used a rarely-accessed feature on Netflix to discourage- the trailer to the film. It looked like shit. Many months later, I needed a movie to do and this one...exists. The film's premise is simple: people trapped in a building with giant ants. Get it? Got it? Good. To find out just how silly this silly-sounding movie is, read on...
Basically, this movie is all about putting a bunch of people in a building. Two of them are characters right out of The Devil Wears Prada. While this film predates the movie version (by 2 years), it does come a year after the book. It's not subtle!
Howell, meanwhile, plays a Janitor with a back-story. It's not important, but it is apparently important that he has one. Moving on...
This man is a Fashion Photographer and these are his models. They appear, act funny and then disappear for nearly an hour. Good writing, huh?
The ants are a sight to behold. They alternate between cheap puppets...
...and lame CG effects. On the plus side, it is a nice skyline...to put lame CG effects in front of.
About an hour in, the FBI and company call in a big name to take out the monsters. What C-List actor is up to the task? I'll give you a hint- sweep the leg!
Yes, Martin Kove has not yet grown that silly mustache and put on that vest. He does, however, nearly cop a feel on this teen actress during a scene though. Good times...
In The End, the ants are killed off by a mild explosion of gas in the building. Well, that and this CG effect. Kove's character gets off scott-free for leaving people to die. Good lesson, movie. The End.
Ants deserve better than this. What good things can I say about this movie? It wasn't a complete waste of time, I suppose. It wasn't directed by David DeCoteau- granted. It didn't give me cancer. That's something. In all seriousness, this movie is a fairly average and sub-par. The acting is not completely-terrible, unless you count the guy trying way too hard to talk like a cliche Fashion Photographer. Seriously- he was bad. Granted, his character was not going to turn out to be 'Othello' or anything, but he was extra-cheesy. Aside from that, Howell was his usual, dull self. On the plus side, he didn't appear to be on a hunger strike or dying of Colon Cancer like he has in the last few years. Seriously, is he alright? It's easy to see how sick Stephen J. Cannell was in Ice Spiders. Getting past that, the movie is so unfocused and just tries to fill time with about thirty different characters. On top of the leads, you get Kove, a Sheriff, Kove's assistant, the guy who owns the Plant Nursery, the Security Guard, one guy's daughter and the lead government agent. How many Producers' cousins were involved in this movie?!? If you like this kind of schlock, this movie is cheesy gold. If not, continue not knowing that this movie exists. Take us away, Very Dutch Angle...
Next up, I begin my selection of Project Terrible films for this round. First up, a movie that's totally not a famous Japanese movie- no sir! Stay tuned...
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