Wednesday, January 4, 2012

WTF Japan?!?: Nu-Meri: Book of the New Spawn

This is a book that I probably wouldn't read.  Today's film is an odd piece of J-Horror that combines two Japanese traditions: monsters and fish.  Any film in which killer fish show up gets my attention.  Unfortunately, this movie is not exactly chock full of action.  I was beginning to worry that I was getting into Jaws in Japan territory, especially when the only action for the first forty-odd minutes was a dream.  Don't tease me- I've been hurt before!  Thankfully, the movie is not nearly that bad.  With that minor compliment out of the way, let me say a little more about the film.  It has fish in it.  To find out more, read on...
The people of Japan are cutting up fish to eat them.  What will the fish do in response to a thousand years of death?
Before that is answered, I want to highlight the boyfriend character randomly doing a jump scare and acting like a villain.  It's weird, random and only happens once- go figure.
What does this random dream sequence have to do with anything?  Why does it happen twice?
With no set-up (other than the dream), our heroine's best friend is randomly found dead in the water.  Based on her face, I'm guessing that she was killed by that chick from Ringu.
It's a little fishy that her body is covered in body paint...I mean, scales.  No, that fish pun was not intentional...for once.
Over forty-five minutes into the film, the point of the film finally occurs- flying fish...of death!  About freaking time!
She's also attacked by killer clams.  Clams- my God.

Hey, I had to work it in somehow!
If you want closure to the whole 'mad scientists create killer fish' plot-line, here it is: they are shown randomly dead on the rocks with fish around them.  No, really.  The End.
Fish can be deadly.  I really wanted to like this movie.  I mean, it's about killer fish- how can I not?  Unfortunately, this movie is about 85% about people working in a lab or going to Shrines.  Why is the part about fish torsos flying at people on wires so minor?!?  This isn't even about killer fish- it's about killer fish torsos.  How does that even work?  I'd rather spend thirty-plus minutes wondering about that.  Instead, I get about five to ten minutes worth of stuff involving the fish torsos, killer clams and seaweed that is a bit too close to that other thing Japan is infamous for (you know the one).  Furthermore, there's pretty much no explanation for how any of this works.  The movie just says 'That guy made killer fish...somehow.  Why ask any more?'  I like to do stuff like that- I'm anal retentive.  The bottom line: this movie is kind of funny at the end, but kind of boring for, well, every other scene.  It's still not Jaws in Japan though.  Hurray?
Up next, did you like Battle Royale, but hate Battle Royale II?  Well, this movie is slightly-better than one and much worse than the other.  Stay tuned...

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