Project Terrible: Project X29A

Alright, let's see what you've got, Bob!  My long-time friend and fellow blogger over at Gaming Creatively really has it out for me.  Is it because I made him watch 'the High School production of Twilight?'  Is it because I made him watch a movie that makes spies, ninjas and a robot Bigfoot boring?  Is it because I got him to watch the most pretentious movies since Naked Lunch- Southland Tales?  All good reasons, actually.  This is Project Terrible and it is my idea- guilty- so I can't give out the crappy films without getting some of my own.  Can this movie be worse for me than what I have for him?  Well, it's not by Uwe Boll, so probably not.  Jack yourself into VR and read on...

The plot of this movie is amazingly paper-thin.  Basically, a guy- eventually- gets turned into a robot soldier and fights his own friend.  Instead of talking about that normally, I'll just show you other highlights.  For example, this guy 'jacking in.'  Just to note: this film was made in 1992!

This is the Prototype- a cool suit, until you see it in motion for long and realize that it's rubber.  Plus, this scene is from the beginning...before our hero becomes the robot.  Confused?

Recognize that face?  Imagine it with blond highlights and a stoned-expression?  Get it now?  It's Kato Kaelin, B-Movie Actor turned O.J. Trial Witness turned National Joke.  Weird!

In this odd sequence, our hero is lonely and obsessed with a woman- one of two in the film, mind you- and logs onto a VR program to...well, hook up with her.  Don't worry- the Necrophilia option is turned off.  This goes on for a while until...

...he wakes up in the tube- before he's put there in the story...I think.  Seconds later, he wakes up in bed.  Did you just dream about being in a dream being in a VR program?  What.  The.  Hell?!??

In the Dystopian future of 2057, the only thing that can stop the evil robots- Primes- are these guys...that know Tai-Chi.  This future does suck!

The movie's final battle initially involves this Tai-Chi Master- with white guy dreads- vs. the Prototype.  He fails.  It finally comes down to the kid from earlier and the object of lust convincing our hero to stop.  But...

...ripping the robot helmet off of your head- nice Star Wars rip-off BTW- doesn't end well for him.  He dies.  The kid finds his body in a tube...and leaves.  The End.

On the plus side, there's only one killer robot trying to destroy the humans this time.  The best way that I can describe this movie is as 'If David Lynch made Robocop.'  Actually, that's insulting to David Lynch, who I'm not even a fan of!  Let me describe it as 'If David Lynch sustained a series of head injuries and returned to work too early to make Robocop.'  That's better...but not enough.  Let me describe as 'If David Lynch sustained a series of head injuries and returned to work too early to make Robocop, only to find out that it had a budget of $6,000 dollars and some Sacajawea Coins.'  That's a good one!  This movie's premise is not bad- it's the execution that sucks ass.  I fell asleep watching this movie initially, making it to about the half-hour point.  It just takes forever to get going & feels lazy.  We 'get it' early on that the guy is upset with being paralyzed and not getting the girl.  Naturally, they spend about four long scenes showing various reasons why- since I guess the audience for this movie is people who can't take a hint!  When I re-approached the film later, I just kind of skipped to the 'good stuff.'  It does get better after the first forty-plus minutes, but that's a low bar.  Is it Terrible?  It's certainly close, I'll give it that.  For at least having a competent suit and some action, it's merely terrible.  As far as using an upside-down keyboard, that's Terrible...

Up next, I end with a second film about VR and from Gaming Creatively.  Which random person will cameo in this film?  Stay tuned...