Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Moon Over Miami: Evil Bong 2- King Bong

Another one of these...ugh.  Thanks to Moviestop- my source for movies that I have no business owning- I got this movie.  It was part of an 8-film set on two discs, alongside such films as Doll Graveyard and Demonic Toys 2.  Is it any better?  Well, no.  Are you surprised?  More often than not, Full Moon sequels find a way to make even a decent idea bad.  The re-casting and random shadow powers from Subspecies 2 or the Jack Deth's teenage bride plot from Trancers II come to mind.  According to a fellow critic, the third Evil Bong film- why not?- is even worse than this.  Thank you, Law of Diminishing Returns!  First off, I should mention that Allistair has been re-cast (don't know why) and his love interest is not here.  The latter is explained via lazy writing, which also allows for Robin Sydney to be back for only a glorified cameo.  Don't worry- the asshole Grandpa is back though, even though his scenes added jack shit to the original movie.  To find out how silly this film's subtitle is, read on...
The movie spends the first few minutes recapping the previous film.  All of the clips, mind you, are being displayed on the villain's 'body.'  Here's where it gets really 'meta'...
Some vague time after the first movie, our heroes are all experiencing symptoms like the ones you get from smoking pot, albeit exaggerated.  Allistair is immune, however, since...um, his actor wouldn't put on a fat suit, I guess.
They eventually go to South America to find where the Evil Bong- now called Eebee- came from.  Naturally, they bring along the Delivery Man, because...um, he's weird.
Do you believe for a second that this 'establishing shot' is from anywhere near where the movie was filmed?  Didn't think so.
The Delivery Man- aka Rabbit- is the first victim of King Bong, who doesn't bother to appear until nearly an hour in.  He's got good company at least...
Not to question the prop department, but how could anyone have ever taken King Bong anywhere?  Isn't the point of the evil bongs to get into people's houses and kill them?  Who could even store that thing?
Remember that joke from Scary Movie 2 where the guy is rolled up into a 'doobie' by a killer tree?  Well, this is basically the same joke...only many years later.  Nice Fly reference though.
Will our heroes be able to stop the giant bong and his topless ladies?  Well, duh.  The End.
This would be bad even if you were high.  The film is just so full of failed attempts at humor that it's almost a little sad.  The guy in a fat suit- been done.  The stoner who keeps passing out- what's the joke?  Rabbit and that damn face- good grief!  I can't even begin to explain how grating this movie was for me.  Any aspect of horror that was in the first film- the Monster Bras- is pretty much excised from this movie.  Even the random cameos are gone.  At least those could distract me from the 'plot' for a brief moment.  As a side note, I skipped over the cameo of Phil Fondacaro as his character from Decadent Evil in the original film.  How was he in the bong if he was dead?  This is just an example of Full Moon's slapping of logic in the face.  Why make another Evil Bong?  When you end the movie with the villain blowing up and everyone living happily ever after, you can stop.  To end this properly, let me explain to you how the Credits go.  King Bong talk/sings over them in a 'song' called 'Vagina Juice.'  No, really.  My brain hurts and so will yours.  I'll leave you with this badly-timed transition screenshot...
Next up, another pair of Full Moon films, this time with no pot.  Instead, we get an evil kid and a giant teddy bear.  Stay tuned...

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