Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Strange Killers: Leeches

After how much Maynard has suffered, this only seems fair.  David DeCoteau is a Director who's not, you know, good.  In the last ten years or so, he's spent his time making gay-centric horror and sci-fi films.  His resume of such films includes Beastly Boyz and House of Usher.  This guy has done what he can to shit all over the works of Edgar Allen Poe, including The Pit and the Pendulum and The Raven.  This is not one of those films, but it does have the usual stink about it.  Shirtless men- check.  Slow, lingering shots of said men- check.  Almost no plot or scares whatsoever- big check.  I didn't exactly finish this movie, but I did make it farther than in Queen Cobra.  Low standard?  Well, this is a DeCoteau film, so that's appropriate.  To find out if this film has anything more to it than shirtless men in Speedos, read on...
This is the cast.  Given what you may know about DeCoteau or what the lead-in told you, are you surprised?
The titular leeches get on our heroes and grow to extra-large due to them being on steroids.  They use them...to help them in swimming.  That makes no sense.
The monsters in this movie are so cheap- they're hand puppets- and ineffective that the victims have to take themselves out.  This guy, for example, slips in the shower and allows the creature to crawl in his mouth.  Speaking of crawling...
...am I the only one disturbed by this shot of the 'leech' crawling across this guy's ass?  Considering the fact that these are obviously hand-puppets...
For all of you heterosexual males that may still be reading, here's a palette cleanser for you.  This is part of a scene in which one of our heroes imagines his girlfriend's reaction to the side-effect of his steroid abuse...in a dream.  That was pointless, but, for once, thank you.
Fast-forwarding a bit, more people die.  Do you really care?  I mean, this film's whole point was to show shirtless guys and they just built a 'plot' around it.  Can you salvage this, movie?
...no, I don't think so.  Let's just wrap this up, shall we?  The End...
...or is it.  Buff Nerd keeps his sample leech for future experiments.  Good luck with that sequel...to this movie from 2003.  The *real* End.
Buy a damn shirt!  This movie is a pretty bare-bones exercise in male cheesecake.  There's nothing wrong with it, provided that you're into this kind of thing.  For me, I'm not.  That's all fine and dandy, I suppose.  That said, if you want to make softcore porn, why don't you make, you know, softcore porn.  Instead, DeCoteau continues to make many, many gay-centric horror films.  How can you take this serious when one of the plots involves 'a group of hunky guys' that discover that 'their fraternity was built on top of a haunted insane asylum.'  Really?  Really?  If you're into this sort of thing, more power to you.  The problem is that the actual plot is not good.  The acting is not good.  The production values are, well, you get the idea.  If you like shitty movies being made towards your demographic, DeCoteau has you covered.  Time to give Maynard more material for Project Terrible: Round 5.  Since fair is fair, I'll leave you with this flip on my usual stinger...
Next up, the trees fight back against invaders.  Prepare to see the best special effects...followed by the worst.  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. No! Alec, please: no more gay ultrasoftcore rubbish. I already suffered through 2 of these 'movies'. DeCoteau is an idiot and his movies are plain crap.

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