Thursday, December 1, 2011

Russell Crows: Razorback

* Just pretend that it's still November*

After all of these years, is it finally worth it?  For those of you who may not know, Razorback is a film that has taunted me with its existence for years.  It's by the Director of Highlander- his debut film, in fact- and is about a giant, killer pig.  Unfortunately, Netflix- my main source for films- has never had the film available.  Well, I finally broke down and just bought the film.  I'd have done it a long time ago had it not been for my worst 'blind buy' ever- Jaws in Japan.  Well, this film is not nearly that bad!  Of course, the time that I had to get two injections into my gums was not nearly that bad either!  The thing about this movie is that I shouldn't have raised my hopes up.  What was I really expecting?  It's a pretty formulaic movie, although the Australian influence does cause it to veer off into crazy territory a la Howling III.  To find out just what this film really has going for it, read on...
A man- Jake Cullen- has his life ruined when a giant Razorback pig wrecks his house and takes his granddaughter.  Naturally, the police think that he did it- ignoring the GIANT HOLE in the wall of his house.  Silly Aussies...
A couple years later, a reporter famous for covering cases of animal abuse goes out to cover a story about the rampant killing of koalas and kangaroos.  She runs across the not-convicted Cullen, setting up the plot for later.
She gets too close to the truth and gets attacked by some men at the plant that processes the kangaroo meat. The attack is interrupted by the Razorback, which proceeds to kill her instead.  Ouch.
Her husband goes to Australia to find out what happened to her.  He runs into Cullen- what a coincidence!
He gets separated from the hunters- who he is spying on- and wanders through the desert.  Say hi to Gerry for me!
He ends up back with Cullen and his niece- I think.  She's played by Arkie Whitely, who played 'Baby Spice' in The Road Warrior.  I just found that interesting, that's all.
Cullen gets his shot at the creature- literally- but it manages to escape.  Damn you, Terminator Razorback.  Fate turns against him, however, as he's left for dead by the hunters later.  Live by the Razorback, die by the Razorback.
All of this is just build up to our hero and the Niece battling the pig at the factory that makes kangaroo meat.  Seems fitting.  Insert Kool Aid Man joke here, by the way.
After a violent game of Cat and Mouse...and Giant Razorback, our hero tricks the creature into falling into the giant meat grinder.  This does foreshadow Highlander II, by the way, as it is made up of two giant fans.  The End.
Here piggy-piggy!  The plot of this movie is good, but could be a bit more focused.  The tale has a lot of distractions and sub-plots in it.  Mind you, it does a pretty good job of blending them together, but it still bugs me a little.  Plot points coincide in odd ways too.  The hunters injure Cullen because they think he knows that they attacked the reporter, when in fact he was talking about the Razorback.  That's kind of silly, since they know that the Razorback killed her!  They were there!  These guys were never that bright, but still.  When one of them has a big plan which involves hiding in a well and stabbing our hero once...and that's it, I kind of realize that maybe there might be a reason for their stupidity.  Getting past the plot aspects, this movie does have some good action and effects.  I could have done with more shots of the creature and, more importantly, ones that weren't Edited dramatically.  I do realize the technical limitations of the era, but this has been done better in other films- i.e. Xtro II, The Fly II.  That said, the shots you do get are pretty good, especially the freaky shots of the mouth near the end.  If you like these animal attack films, you'll like this one.  It's a bit experimental at times, but it's good.  With this and Shock Waves available, I'll turn my obsession to another film- White Buffalo.  Give me that DVD by next Thanksgiving, world!
Next up, December begins with a two-part look at films I've meant to review for a while.  Full Moon gets in more shot with this tale of Roman crap.  Stay tuned...


  1. Hate to be a know-it-all, but as a perpetual rare film junkie, I thought I'd let you know that if the "White Buffalo" you're refering to is the Charles Bronson one... it's on DVD. True, it's one of those 'MGM Limited Edition' discs (i.e. burn-on-demand DVD-R).

    ...As for the film itself, I'll say this: I always kind of thought of the reporter in this one as a 'Poor Bastards of Cinema' type. I mean, she gets attacked by this group of slimeballs, and for her trouble, she gets torn apart and eaten by a giant pig! Yeah, she's a little bit of a pest and all, but... Damn, it still just seems kind of MEAN!

  2. I'm sure that White Buffalo has a DVD release, but it's not on Netflix, which is, as stated, my main source for movies. It's just like the Watchers 1/2 DVD.

    I have to go to REALLY obscure stuff to find no DVD release at all (i.e. Elves).

    The reporter does qualify for that status as far as not deserving that death. However, I usually give that honor to random death of people who aren't notable or important (i.e. hikers, pedestrians, good samaritans).