Tuesday, July 18, 2017

WTF Japan?!?: Pulse (2001)

After a long time of staring at that DVD Case on my shelf, I finally got around to this.  On top of that, it took me 2 viewings.  Today's Film is Pulse, a famous Japanese Thriller who's Remake's Sequels I reviewed long, long ago.  They sucked.  After all that time, I might as well go back to the source material.  The Plot: strange ghosts are coming into our World via the Internet!  That sounds interesting.  How do you make that boring and hard to sit through?  Simply give it the pace of a lazy glacier (shut up- analogies are hard!) and make it all look like the print was covered in dirt for a year.  If this is the 'classic version,' then how bad must the American Remake be?  I suppose I will get to that in another 5 years (give or take 5 years) and see.  In the meantime, here's to learning about Computers and banal conversation in a Horror Film...
A girl's friend has been keeping to himself for a while.  She goes over to get some work files from him and he acts weird.

Moments later, instant suicide.  If you could do things so fast, why was your work always late?!?
Ladies and Gentlemen, the origin of 13 Reasons Why.

And yes, I don't even know if that's how it happens.  And no, I don't care.
To be fair to the Film, they try to be subtle with the Horror.  To be realistic, this is nothing compared to what Ringu did...before this Film.

Oooh...tracking errors.
This guy needs to be taught how Bookmarking Pages worked...in 2001.  I'm pretty sure my Grandpa could have done that with less explanation.
They do set up some interesting moments- like our Heroine seeing this paranoid lady earlier and later seeing her jump to her death- but they are just so few and far between.
Shadows are scary, right?  Right?!?
Since this Film can't quite show scope that well, they just tell you that other people are missing all over the place.  Yea.
Our two Heroes finally just decide to run away as the Ghosts are too many.  One of them is more helpful than the other...
They ultimately leave on a boat with...Japanese Clive Owen to continue their adventures in...nothing.  The End.
After all this time, it was a disappointment.  I went back to watch this for the 2nd time after falling asleep the first time.  To be fair, I do that sometimes when I have the afternoon off.  That's not necessarily an indictment on the Film by itself, but...I fell asleep the 2nd time too.  I get it- you're intentionally-slow-paced.  It tries more to set a mood than be scary.  Great.  In the process, it is too long, too slow and just not interesting enough.  The mix of banal and terrifying can work.  It just didn't work for me.  The few good moments just don't save the Film for me.  It almost makes me wonder if the Remake is better.  That's blasphemous, I know.  I do like J-Horror, whether it is trying to be good like Ringu or ridiculous like Sadako vs. Kayako.  I'm not just not 'into' this one.  It needed to be less banal and/or more crazy.  If you like it, great.  I'll just stick with...um...no, not those Sequels.  I guess...I'll get back to you.  On the plus side, we get a glimpse at how everyone sees New Jersey on any given day though...
Next time, more randomness that I need to get through.  Could there be more Japan in the future?  Stay tuned...

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