Friday, August 29, 2014

Project Terrible: 30 Nights of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Craig Moss is a name that many of you probably don't know.  I envy you.  

He is behind a series of films that I will henceforth refer to as 'Other Movies Exist' Cinema.  They are Parody Films that just kind of show you stuff from other films and expect you to laugh.  Someone dressed as Paris Hilton- laugh!  Moss has Parodied Twilight and the works of Judd Apatow in the past.  In 2013, he made this stupid, stupid film.  I won't even dignify this title by writing it out again.  One question though: where does the 30 part come in?  It isn't Alaska and we have no Vampires (despite having a non Bill Oberst Jr 'Lincoln').  Weird.  There is so little Plot to sum up that I won't bother.  To see why you will curse the name of Craig Moss, read on...
You won't believe the so-called Setup here.  First, we see a Skittle Parody with a money shot.  Joy.

Since it doesn't involve shit or piss, Moss didn't make it.
This is a fake YouTube ad for...a Storage Wars parody.  That is Horror now?
In that 'show' (with only 2 people on it) buy a Locker with crap, Pop Singer Adele(?!?) and a tape called 'Found Footage.'  No, really.
The Plot is...well, it is just a series of random Scenes.  They are at least *mostly* related to the main film they're Parodying (Paranormal Activity 2).

The Sources include The Bachelor, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Black Swan, Resident Evil (kind of), Bridesmaids and...the Allstate Commercials?
I won't bother to pretend that there's much Plot here.  There still isn't.

The other Sources include Super Mario Bros (?), The Hunger Games (again?!?), The Dark Knight Rises, Project X, The Devil Inside and...this random Bruce Lee rip-off Film.  Random!
To give you an idea of how bad this Film, they fail at basic Peanut Butter Placement Continuity (for a joke I won't justify with an explanation)!  Citizen Kane can get that right, but you can't?!?
The worst part: a person I actually like is here.  Christopher Daniels (of TNA fame) appears as Bane- who is used for a 'you can't understand him' joke.  Of course, you actually can, so I'll just let his actual line sum up my feelings.
That one hurt.  Even after watching The Starving Games (to help Bob keep his sanity), this was still bad.  Let me focus on the good.  For the most part, they stayed on-topic.  It went 'off the rails' a bit at the end with the Ghost apparently summoning the lady from Games, the Bridesmaids and (I guess) revealing himself to be Bane.  The jokes were built on a pretty simple foundation: the plot of Paranormal Activity 2.  It didn't always stay even, veering out of The Devil Inside as quick as possible at the beginning, for example.  Now here are the bad parts. First off, it is just not that funny- at all.  This is a Comedy, so that is a big deal.  Second, the film is far more offensive than The Starving Games.  That one was crass and stupid, but never that offensive (except to my sense of humor).  This film is intentionally-gross and indulges in just about every stereotype, just short of having a person in blackface sing about watermelons or having a Mexican man selling people Tacos.  Two words: Pee Cam.  Twice.  So it is not funny, sometimes offensive (even to someone who can laugh at a good Anne Frank joke)...but it is at least mostly a Parody of what it meant to be.  It is not for me.  After all, he who is without sin is the only one who can throw the first stone.  Take it away, He Who Is Without Sin...
I Am Love, But I Totally Hate this Movie.
Next up, a rare film from Italy that is just...strange.  Driving, raining and head-splitting- oh my!  Stay tuned...


  1. Alec, I am not sure if you thought that a "non-Bill Oberst Jr. Lincoln" was a good thing or a bad thing, so I will just say thank you. I think.

    Very best,

    1. Let me clarify then...

      Part of me wishes that it was you, since it would have made the film at least a little bit better.

      The other part of me is glad that it wasn't, since the movie is terrible & this Lincoln gets violated by a gay stereotype ghost and acts like a perv.

      I like you too much to see you in a Craig Moss film, Bill. You have, you know, talent.

  2. Gosh Alec, you make me want to do better movies. I'll keep striving towards that (although doing bad ones just to get a mention on MondoBizarro is tempting.)

  3. See what I mean? This is exactly why I hate spoofs. They are more often than not pointless and un-funny - amazing, since their first and foremost intention is to be a comedy! Who puts a Storage Wars reference in a horror movie spoof anyway?? Apparently Craig Moss, a name that I will definitely be avoiding in the future, thank you!