Friday, March 1, 2013

Forgotten Sequels: Raptor Island 2- Planet Raptor

Alright, who requested this?  Seriously- fess up!  Today's film is Planet Raptor, the sequel to Raptor Island.  Mind you, there's really not much to that statement.  I was hoping for some sort of exposition saying that the Raptors built a space ship or something, but no luck.  There are two reasons why it is considered to be so.  One is because Steven Bauer is in both of them, but playing different characters.  The other...I won't SPOIL just yet.  All you need to know is that this film has a silly plot, silly CG and Ted Raimi.  He's the Sean Bean of Horror/Sci-Fi Films, so you know what's coming in his future.  Seriously, he even shows up in movies like Midnight Meat Train just to die- he didn't even really have a character!  This film is actually kind of hard to find, despite coming out in 2007.  Why does that happen to some films (good or otherwise), while other films (e.c. The Princess Bride) have about a dozen different releases?  So after dealing with an off-market source to finally see the whole thing, how is it?  To find out, read on...
Right off the bat, the film makes a jarring jump into pure Sci-Fi.  It's something you do right or you do wrong.
So here's the other reason that this is called a sequel to Raptor Island- they use the same CG models.  Yes, despite looking like crap in 2004, they show up in this 2007 film.  It gets better, but we'll get to that.
A group of scientists- including Raimi and Vanessa Angel- and soldiers go to this Planet, only to find a city that looks like it was out of an old King Arthur film- even including a castle.  No, really.

Instead of showing you a shot of them, let's try and start a new meme...
The constant attacks by re-used CG Sprites leads to some odd moments like this...
Back on the ship, a Plot Device...I mean, Solar Storm is blocking communications and transport out.
If you're going to steal CG from Raptor Island, you might as well steal whole scenes.  For example, here's the 'Raptors nesting in the Volcano' scene re-purposed as 'Raptors nesting in the Planet.'  Throw in a cave that barely resembles the one from Island and you've got yourself a winner!
As a bonus, the unexplained T-Rex from Island also shows up for two shots...only to suddenly turn into a Raptor for the next shot.

It's like they released their mistake and tries to fix it...without actually doing anything to actually fix it!!!
As it turns out, the planet is a study ground to test the Raptors as weapons, with our heroes as the bait.  This is explained to them after a random, bug alien shows up for one scene, dumps exposition and then immediately disappears from the film.

Bye...whatever you were.
Skipping a lot of shooting and bad CG effects, Raimi dies (naturally) and the group makes it back, but only after a barely-there 'Corrupt General' sub-plot ends abruptly.  The End.
Yeah, this isn't really any better.  The movie is pretty bad, but how much you will hate it may vary.  For example, if you never saw Raptor Island, you would just think that these were crappy effects.  If you've seen it, you'd realize how lazy this was and respond appropriately.  If you like cheesy flicks involving commandos fighting badly-rendered CG monsters, you'll probably get some laughs out of it.  I sure did.  I have over a dozen Screen Captures from this movie.  Granted, nearly all of them are shots of just how bad the Raptors look here.  If you can track this down, you'll have a similar experience to watching Raptor Island.  Is it stupid?  Yes.  Is it bad?  Yes.  Do all of its attempts at being taken seriously make it funny as hell?  Yes.  Take us away, whatever the hell you are...
Next up, one of the few films I've tracked down JUST because of its crappy effects.  Will this film beat out The Eden Formula?  Stay tuned...

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