It's not any worse than I've felt in the last few days. Unlike my wicked cold/fever, this movie is really easy to forget. I even took extra pictures this time to help me remember what happened! Today's film is Poison Ivy 4: The Secret Society. To be fair, they excise the number from the actual title card. That said, they should have excised the word 'Poison Ivy' while they were at it! Is this film related to any of the other films? No. They don't even try to cheat like Poison Ivy 2 did. It's about a girl who goes to a fancy school and gets tangled up in a secret group called The Ivys. Were they inspired by Drew Barrymore's character? If so, how? How much impact could a random teenager in Los Angeles have, especially given that the even happened less than twenty years earlier? The answer: no. There is no reason for this film to be called Poison Ivy 4. Zero. Zilch. Nadda. Other DTV Sequels were at least based on the same concepts, be it seeing ghosts in Stir of Echoes 2 or the crazy action in Smoking Aces 2 (even if that's a Prequel of sorts). To see just how silly this thing is, read on...
In a bizarre opening, a woman runs around a Campus in fear and stops by the set of Parts: The Clonus Horror. This scene ends abruptly and isn't addressed until an hour in, so feel free to forget about it...
Our new Not Ivy is this lady. She's a farm girl, but dreams of going to a big-city College. She leaves her boyfriend, but vows to return...eventually. Hopefully she's not going to become a Doctor!
She goes to the new School and sticks out, since she doesn't dress like a rich bitch. On the plus side, this former 7th Heaven star likes her. However...
He's caught up in this film's other plot: ripping off Cruel Intentions. This could be Cruel Intentions 4, actually. It's not like it could be worse than the real 'sequels.'
Eventually, our heroine is brought into the Ivys. They make it clear that they're a truly Secret Society, which is a bit undermined five minutes earlier...
...when they send a phone with an Ivy on it to our Not Ivy. Her roommate explains that they're a Secret Society WHICH IS WHY SHE KNOWS ABOUT THEM!!!!
Skipping a lot of crap, she finds that life is sweet as an *ugh* Ivy. That is until her PG-13 sex scene with 7th Heaven guy ends up on....uReel. That's all kinds of silly.
Things take a turn when she manages to catch the Head Ivy in the act of being bad, leading to her potential expulsion. This, in turn, leads to a catfight set in a pool. It would be kind of hot, if it didn't end in murder.
After all of that, she returns to her redneck life and her vapid boyfriend. On the plus side, they'll probably get a Reality Show to make up for all of her Student Loan payments. The End.
Well, this is definitely a movie. There's nothing all that great, all that terrible or all that interesting about this movie. It's amazingly-forgettable. There's very little effort here. It's designed as Direct-to-Video schlock that you'll rent, watch and then immediately give zero shits about. It takes a special skill to make crap like this. A lot of these Direct-to-Video Sequels have something memorable about them, be it the Clown Suicide Bomber from Smoking Aces 2, the convoluted revenge story of Stir of Echoes 2 or the bizarre morality of White Noise 2. I still don't really care for those films all that much, but I remember some two or so years later. This film is barely-memorable some two weeks later. Even these tits do little to help...
Up next, I cover the latest film in the Starship Troopers series. Will this CG-film be less goofy than the last one? Stay tuned...
Didn't even know there was a fourth one, even if it is a name-only sequel. But hey, even censored those tits still look like the movie's only selling point.
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