Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Baby Got Deadly!: The Suckling

For once, Maynard and I really agree on a movie.  Today's film is The Suckling, a film reviewed by my Austrian friend in conjunction with Dumpster Baby.  I gave him the latter film for Project Terrible and he added a review of the former to compare it.  His review made me curious, so I said 'Screw it- I'll watch it.'  Well, he didn't lead me wrong in this case.  The film is a tale as old as time- aborted fetus gets dumped into toxic waste and becomes a monster.  Who hasn't seen that movie, right?  All kidding aside, this obscure little gem is good if you like B-Movies and aren't easily offended.  Besides the titular monster, the story also features murder, deviant sexual acts (implied, anyways) and hookers.  If you like B-Movies and aren't named Rand Paul, you should at least consider watching this film.  To give you some reasons why, I'll just have to encourage you to read on...
After some over-dramatic title cards, we see a somewhat-crazy woman in a Hospital.  One Doctor explains to another that she was the lone survivor of a horrible event, leading to the film proper...
Our heroine is a 'teenager' whose boyfriend takes her to an Abortion Clinic, which is also a Brothel.  Man, times are tough in Mississippi, huh?

That has been your Political Joke for the Month.  Moving on...
After the act is done, the baby is dumped into the Sewer.  On top of being an Abortion Clinic/Brothel, the place also dumps Toxic Waste in the back.  How do you pass inspection?!?
Faster than you might think, the fetus becomes a giant monster and prepares to get revenge for his early eviction.
While our heroine recovers from the operation, the creature blocks all of the doors and windows in the building with, um, this stuff.  Don't ask how it works, because I've got nothing.
What's worse- the creature even kills a young Neil DeGrasse Tyson!  This also serves as yet another Deep Blue Sea Moment.  I should probably do more of those, huh?
In spite of giant, killer creature attacking them, our heroes still act like jerks to each other.  One guy makes himself the defacto leader and shoots on hooker.  Apparently she had metal in her skull, given the sparks that came out there.
The rest of the film is basically this awesome-looking monster killing these people.  All of this is a lead up to a strange ending.
I won't SPOIL it for you, but it involves a shrinking monster, this puppet and a bizarre wrap-up with the 'woman in the hospital' story.  It's...weird.  The End.
Well, it doesn't suck.  Getting that obvious pun out of the way, let me say a bit more.  For all of its cheapness, I liked this movie.  Two words: practical effects.  Granted, not all of them were perfect, but I like how they used what they had.  Everything that happens, happens on-screen and without computers.  Yes, this film was made in 1990- a time when those effects were expensive and not widely-available.  Yes, they probably would have used them if they could.  They didn't though, so I prefer to focus on that.  The Story is silly, the Acting is not all that great and the whole thing doesn't look all that expensive.  Even so, I had fun with this movie that took a concept that few would tackle and said 'Screw it- let's have fun!'  Is it in good taste?  Of course not.  If you want to watch a film about this subject, you are someone who is not afraid of something controversial.  If you're up for something strange, obscure and in bad taste, give this one a look.  You may not enjoy it as much as I did...but I don't really give a shit.  Take us away, bulletproof walls...
Next up, an old story and a film tossed out onto DVD to make a quick buck.  With a classic tale...and Lochlyn Munro, you know that it won't be pretty.  Stay tuned...

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