Sunday, January 6, 2013

New Crap?: Bait

Shark attack!  Today's film is Bait, a film that plays upon the idea that we're running out of ways to put people and Sharks in the same film.  Seriously, we've gotten to the point where Sharks attack planes and the Golden Gate Bridge!  Hell, we've gotten to the point where we made a Sharktopus, just so that they can walk halfway onto the land.  In the film, a Tsunami hits an Australian city, stranding people in a building.  To help pad the run time, let's have them split up.  If Cloud Atlas is any measure, you can make any film longer by splitting the narrative up as much as possible.  One day, we'll finally reach our goal of making a 24-hour film by telling the life stories of the last 24 U.S. Presidents in one film.  Where was I?  Oh right, Bait.  It's a film about people trapped in a building with Sharks.  That's really all there is to it.  Doctor Doom is in it though- that's something, right?  Let's just kick our legs, pretend like we're dolphins and read on...
The film builds up a Shark attack.  The goal of this film is to look realistic and give us realistic drama.  So, naturally, they have this happen!
Jumping ahead a year, the surviving Lifeguard has retreated from life and now works at a Grocery Store.  Yes, there is something lower than just being a Lifeguard.

Outside the store, a forlorn Doctor Doom and Charlie Day from Horrible Bosses look on!
In a move I haven't seen since Shakedown (I should review that some day, shouldn't I?), all of the plot threads crash together right before the random event happens.  Send in the water!
In my favorite, hilarious moment of the film, this lady somehow gets killed by a flying saw blade in the store.  How?  Why?  Who cares?  It's hilarious.
As a result of the rushing water, two separate groups get trapped in two separate parts of the store.  How about the other thousands of people?  Who gives a shit- we have sharks?!?
After realizing this, the group sends out a person in a make-shift shark suit to cut off the power before they get fried.  I won't SPOIL what happens, but he is the new boyfriend of our male lead's lady, figure it out.
Drama ensues in the Parking Lot as our secondary male lead and some annoying people try to avoid the slowly-rising water and the shark.  The fact that the exact same Shark is in two places in the same building must be a MASSIVE COINCIDENCE.

Hell, I was almost expecting it to be the same Shark, but it's not.
I won't SPOIL the super-silly way that they kill the Sharks here, but I will say that it involves one guy going into Action Hero Mode TWICE.  Why share the credit?  After all, this is your big break...guy who's name I didn't bother to look up for this review.  The End.
There be sharks, yo!  This film is...not bad.  The main complaint I would level is that its basically one story stretched out over two parts.  Unlike REC 3, they don't try to make the two parts equally-important by having them be the two romantic leads.  Honestly, if they had, I might have cared more.  As it is, one story has all of the major characters, while the other has Second Banana, Rich Guy, Rich Girl and a Dog.  Gee, I'm so invested in your story.  Meanwhile, the other story has Lead 1, Lead 2, Parents 1 and 2, Doctor Doom, His Romantic Lead and Criminal.  The other issue is that the film only has one way to really ratchet up the tension: Shark Attack.  Granted, it is a Shark movie.  It's just...kind of the same after a while.  The part with the Shark Suit is interesting, but the pay-off is 'meh' to me.  I liked the characters more than in REC 3 as a whole though, especially since they don't get nicknames like Royalties (as a guest who attends to see if they're using copyrighted songs) and SpongeJohn (a copyright-avoiding kid's mascot in a suit).  If you like these survival dramas, this one has some good effects (sparing use of cheap CG) and works pretty well.  My only other complaint is the overly-dramatic way that the Sharks attack, especially given how little water they have to work with.  I'll leave you now the way the film does with a simple reminder: Shark exist somewhere!
Up next, I begin Project Terrible off with a film that makes me want to Die.  Not from the gore or silly story, but from how pretentious it is!  Stay tuned...


  1. Dear goodness, I hope they NEVER run out of ways to put sharks and people in the same movie. That would be a sad day indeed. As for this movie... the shark suit looks cool? I'm surprise you were able to be so kind to it!

    Also, um, I work at a grocery store. >:0

  2. I LOVE Sharks. I ordered Bait the other day and have been eagerly anticipating the moment it arrives in the mail. This is SOOO the type of movie I go giddy for.

    Looking forward to Project Terrible.