Thursday, January 17, 2013

'90s Trash: Poison Ivy 3

Finally, a real sequel!  Today's film is Poison Ivy 3: The New Seduction.  It's notable for its Star- Jamie Pressley- and its Nudity.  During the rise of sites featuring Celebrity Nude Caps and the like, this movie got famous.  It helped that Pressley's star was on the rise too.  Can you imagine how little people would care if she wasn't?  The film is a real sequel to Poison Ivy, although it uses a bit of a retcon to make this work.  Do you remember how Ivy talked about her sister?  Of course not- she didn't.  She apparently had one though and her back-story (which is entirely unrelated to her sister's) was basically made up on the fly.  To be fair, none of this was expressly-stated as something else in the original film.  Even so, this just kind of feels forced.  So Pressley returns 'home' and, you guessed it, causes all sorts of chaos in the family.  Yes, the only one who can stop her is a sexually-repressed brunette.  The film may feel a bit familiar and that's no accident.  To see why this is the best- and possibly the worst- of the sequels, read on...
Ivy and her sister live in a fancy house since their Mother works there.  What could go wrong?
 Oh right- a sex scene breaks out.  However, it's the Mom having sex with the Pool Boy (nice cliche)...and not the man of the house.  Time to go, bitch!
This leads to Ivy and her sister (who's played by a cuter girl, since Drew isn't here) being separated from the Sylvie analog.  How tragic.
Now an adult, Pressley returns to the house and is allowed to move in.  This leads to a series of nude scenes...
...really bizarre sexual innuendo (seriously- this line is real!)....
...and bizarre scenes like girls playing drunken Tennis and Pressley setting up a scenario where Not Sylvie's friend thinks that she had a drunken, lesbian tryst (complete with handcuffs) with Pressley and Not Sylvie.

Seriously, that's her plan.  Weird, right?
Things finally turn against Pressley when she gets caught doing...questionable things with the father.  Oh and she killed the Housekeeper.  That's important too, I guess.
Does this odd plot point of her kidnapping the boyfriend go anywhere?  No, not really.  I'm not sure why it matters in the long run.
In a not-so-subtle nod to the original, a catfight between the two ends in Pressley hanging by her necklace.  It breaks and she falls down a small set of stairs.  She dies.  The End.
Eh, it could be worse.  Unlike Poison Ivy 2, this feels like a real sequel.  Like Poison Ivy 2, the middle of the film is mostly just a set-up for sex/nude scenes.  It's easy to explain why I'm not super upset with a film that focuses on showing a mostly-naked Jamie Pressly though.  I mean, I think you all get it.  The film's revenge plot is really silly, especially since the brunette is in the 'cross-hairs,' despite being in no position to do anything.  The lady did the real damage- the Mother- is gone.  Granted, the Dad is still around and gets it pretty good, I suppose.  The whole thing with taking Not Sylvie's boyfriend and messing with her friend is just...amazingly-pointless.  Oh and the escalation of her revenge scheme is a bit awkward.  Weird trick, weird trick, worse trick, MURDER, weird trick, etc.  You didn't plan this all out, did you?  The sad thing is that every single, complex revenge plot comes down a fight that ends in people falling from high places.  For all your planning, you people keep falling for the same schtick.  If you want to see a Poison Ivy film actually deliver what the series promises, see this one.  There's just something ass...I mean, good about it.
Up next, I take a break before the fourth Poison Ivy film to cover something Terrible.  Zombies, pot and Zombie Showers- oh my!  Stay tuned...

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