Thursday, August 23, 2012

Alien Week: Alien Terminator

It's like Deja Vu all over again!  Today's film is Alien Terminator- a very subtle title, huh?  As you probably guessed, it has nothing to do with either the Alien nor the Terminator franchises.  Why Alien vs. Terminator is not a thing is anyone's guess though!  Instead of being a unique film crossover, you get a film that's essentially a remake of Forbidden World/Mutant, a Roger Corman Produced film that tried to be a genre-bender.  Much like Corman's cut, this movie lacks any of that.  It's just a dry, sci-fi film with a budget barely large enough to fund the Catering Department!  Apparently this movie is important because Maria Ford is in it.  She's important enough to have a whole bunch of movies on Netflix labeled as The Maria Ford Collection...but I still have no idea who she is.  Her resume is not exactly the biggest and brightest, featuring such films as the 1995 Showtime remake of The Wasp Woman, The Unnameable II and Burial of the Rats.  Yeah, all of those movies.  To find out if this film is worthy of any fanfare or collecting, read on...
Stop me if you've heard this one before: a bunch of Scientists are in a secret, underground laboratory.  They're trying to create new life for...some reason.  Nice of you to re-use the chairs from Carnosaur II...or vice versa.
Just like in Forbidden World, a cross-combination of old and new life creates a monster and it escapes.  I thought for sure that those tiny, metal bars would work too!
The film has two nude scenes and this is one of them.  Nothing actually happens here, so just follow the arrow.
They blatantly rip off the chest-bursting scene from Aliens.  Oh, I mean it's totally different because the creatures bursts out *from underneath him.*  My bad.
Unlike Alien Lockdown, I have no shots of the creature.  This film was made in 1994, so it's just a cheap suit that barely ever stands still.  Trust me- you're not missing much by me putting this shot in instead.
As the cast gets whittled down, the company behind the lab tries to blow the lab and claim that they are all dead.  The crew doesn't take this news well.
The cast is finally down to the two 'misfit' characters and they take out the alien.  By this point, it's a pretty 'meh' moment.
* Cue mild explosion that probably cost more than the actual Set Design *
To wrap up the 'evil boss' (who's face is never shown) plot, he up and kills himself when the two escape.  They walk off into the sunset...which seems like a silly thing to do when you were literally just rescued.  The End.
Do I even need to tell you that this film is underwhelming?  The unofficial movie law of The Cooler the Title, The Lamer the Film is certainly true here.  Nothing about the film really sets up the idea of an 'Alien Terminator,' but the title sounds cooler than Crappy Monster in a Dark Basement.  Seriously, there should be an Alien/Terminator crossover (if I didn't miss a comic out there somewhere).  Make it happen, World!  Where was I?  Right- this movie.  It probably didn't help that I was watching a better sci-fi movie (Total Recall) in a much better format (Blu-Ray vs. old, cheap DVD print) in the same day.  Seriously, watch a Blu-Ray/good transfer DVD and then watch a Pan-and-Scan- it's like night and day!  Even if this film was in high-definition, it's still generic and dull.  Unless you're a huge Maria Ford fan, you can skip this one.  In closing, let me make up for the lack of monster shot(s) with this still from a more memorable (but not better) alien film...
Next up, a film featuring an alien invasion, the bad guys from Wrong Turn 3 and the Quantum Ranger.  After his pointless role in Lethal, he's the star!  Stay tuned...

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