Project Terrible: Twilight Saga- New Moon

Here we go again!  The second film in the Twilight series is the first one to get the pretentious 'Twilight Saga' tag thrown on it.  What was the reason for that?  Did they think that people who were fans of the book series had forgotten the name of the second book?  Were they afraid that the casual market wouldn't recognize the film made a year earlier and featuring the same cast?  I'm sorry, America, but I think the makers of Twilight think that you are stupid!  Aside from that, what is there to say for this lead-in?  The second film features Jacob in a much more prominent role, as opposed to just having him appear in four scenes in the last one and basically do nothing.  This is also the film famous for him not wearing a shirt ever, a fact joked about in Eclipse (which may or may not have been an ad-lib on Robert Pattinson's part).  We also meet a whole slew of new characters, almost all played by actors who are too good for this film (i.e. Michael Sheen, Dakota Fanning).  On the plus side, more happens in this movie.  Get out your new tide out as we await the...

* These two are still the focus.  I still don't care.

* You still kind of look creepy.  Not in that 'you look like a vampire' way, but in a 'hide your children from this child molester' way.  You're a tween sex symbol too.  Eww...

* Jacob is actually important here.  Unfortunately, he's only important because he's involved in a love-triangle.  On the plus side, he's not a date-rapist...yet.

* Seriously, put on a shirt.  It's freaking cold in Washington state!

* A major plot point involves Robert Pattinson flashing a crowd.  That's fan-service if I ever saw it.

* The big point that everyone makes really stands out to me- if the vampires are psychic, why don't they just tell Edward that Bella is alive?  They never explain this!

* We meet the vampire elders that live in, of all places, a sunny country.  How do they explain them not shining all the time?  Oh right- they wear long, red robes all the time.  That's not suspicious!

* Michael Sheen is a famous werewolf from Underworld and now he's a vampire here?  That's a bigger get than the white guy from Fastlane, I suppose.

* The film's finale involves trying to close up the love triangle.  Yes, don't focus on the vampire serial killer, the upcoming war or any other thing.  I want to know who Bella loves!

More plot equals a slightly-more interesting film.  The plot here is still not that good.  The problem is that this movie is built around being the middle part of a trilogy.  What happens in the middle part?  Pretty much nothing.  Even in the hands of a good writer (i.e. Tolkien), this is pretty apparent.  In the hands of Stephenie Meyer, well, you get the picture.  A lot of people like to point out that the Director of this movie also made The Golden Compass, another film built around giant, CG animals fighting each other.  I guess they're lucky that they didn't have to go with their second choice- Jim Wynorski!  One thing that really stands out to me in this movie, however, is something that nobody seems to mention.  These are werewolves!  By definition, you'd have to be part-wolf and part-man.  These are men that turn into wolves (albeit oddly-giant ones).  When you can't even get the concept of a vampire (ones who all have different super-powers and glow) or a werewolf (not Indian models in short-shorts) right, what hope is there?  The bottom line- this is a better film, but it's still not good.  Again, if you're a fourteen year-old girl, you will ignore all of this.  Look- men without shirts!

Next up, the final film (for now) in the series.  Will this film actually be good when it wraps up the overly-long plot?  Stay tuned...