Moon Over Miami: Head of the Family

Why do you make a movie called this?  Today's film is a 1996 horror/comedy about a crazy family and a grifter who chooses to exploit them.  It's basically a Tennessee Williams play, just with bad writing and mutants.  Is that how they pitched this film to the investors?  If so, it explains why the proposed sequel has yet to come to fruition in the last 14 years.  Oh yeah, it's apparently supposed to be the precursor to Blood Dolls, in that the villain from that movie is supposed to be related to this film's one.  Is this built up at all here?  No.  He just has the same last name- and a flipped gimmick- as that guy.  Thanks, I guess.  Will this film top that film's sub-par randomness?  I sure hope so, but my hopes are about as high as Spud Webb.  Look it up.  Put on your nice toy, young man because we're going to meet the...

Basically, the film is set in a small, Southern city.  One guy who owns a Diner is having an affair with the ignored wife of another man.  A bizarre family lives in town as well and its patriarch never shows his face around town.  People are also disappearing in the area, but I'm sure that it's not related to them in any way.  One night, the Diner's owner witnesses the family kidnapping a man.  He shows up and intends to blackmail them into taking care of the lady's husband.  Inside, he meets the titular head of the family.  That's quite a mug!

The family hesitantly does his bidding, but waits to enact their revenge.  In the meantime, we get a series of scenes that either involve the couple screwing each other (often in the same room every time) or talking about their scheme.  Yes, you're clever and you like sex- move on!  The family finally manages to find out key portions of the man's plan, including the location of a lawyer who has a note that would be released in the event of the man's death.  That plan falls apart when the people just kill his lawyer.  Shit is about to go down!

The family captures our hero and his lady friend.  They threaten to kill the guy, but he says something about having a second letter.  Instead of just killing him, the group decides to put on a play.  Only in a Full Moon film.  Using a host of mental patients and those that have been experimented upon (including the husband from earlier), the family puts on a play about Joan of Arc.  Well, this is the kind of film that would end up in a Janitor's Closet in a Sanitarium.  The stage is set on fire and the pair make a break for it.  Our hero/villain tosses the Head down the stairs- nice visual, by the way- while his new wife runs into the big, strong member of the family.  She decides to marry him instead, since he's the only remaining heir to the fortune.  Oh yeah, the scheming guy is randomly-killed too.  The End.

Stop while you're not a head!  The plot of this movie is kind of one-note.  A guy blackmails the family and they get revenge.  There is literally nothing else going on here.  The film just kind of recycles the same scenes for the first half and relies on nudity to get you to the Third Act.  At least in that part we get some random comedy and awkwardness.  I'm sorry, Full Moon, but you do not know how to pace a film!  Do you think that I went into a film with a giant-headed man using his crazy family to commit crime & wanted to hate it?  No, of course not!  The end result of this film is just tedium.  You guys wasted a good opportunity and have yet to get your second shot at it.  Blood Dolls was weird and pointless.  This one was just pointless.  I feel bad saying that, but it's true.

Next up, the final film of Full Moon Week is the first part of a series.  Will it lure me in or make think of it as just small?  Stay tuned...