'80s Trash?: Krull (1983)

It may seem like double-dipping here after Rifftrax Live, but...I did see the Movie.  It is a Cult Classic.  I do love attention.  With that in mind, here's Krull.  You know, that Film with the Glaive.  That is apparently almost *all* people remember about this Film.  I didn't remember a lot more myself before I saw it, to be fair.  The Film's Plot- involving evil aliens, a Cyclops, fire horses and true love- is not remembered much, but that damn Glaive made an appearance in Ready Player One!  Should I talk about the Film about this point?  Alright- if you insist.  The Film is notable for its weird Story, strange visuals and a great James Horner score.  Like many Films from this time, though, it needs a great Score- it moves really slowly!  The Lord of the Rings Film saw this one's sweeping vista shots and said "Okay- we get it!"  To find out more about this Film that you maybe sort-of remember, read on...

On the Planet of Krull (north of Eternia), some Aliens from a giant Rock show up...eventually.

Yeah, they start drawing things out from the very first frame.

When his Wedding goes badly and nearly everyone is dead, he has to recruit some help.  He takes what feels like 20 minutes of screen time to find the Glaive, but he can't use that until the 3rd Act.

In the meantime, here's a bunch of escaped Prisoners (and Hagrid).

...and yes, Liam Neeson.

On the plus side, they don't dub him here like they did Robbie Coltrane.

They have to rescue the Princess, so they need this Crystal...and it's broken.

At least the Seer can...and he's dead.

Can they find the rock- which teleports every day - and save the Princess?

Oh right- the Glaive!  It will save the day!  All glory to the Glaive!!!

All fear the mighty Glaive!  It shall defeat the evil whatever-the-hell-this-is-supposed-to-be!

...and it gets stuck in a rock.  I guess the power of the love between the couple- demonstrated briefly 90 minutes ago- will save the day instead.

What a weird call.  The End.

What a strange disappointment.  Krull has so much going for it on the surface.  It has Aliens.  It has Monsters.  It has a Cyclops.  It has Liam Neeson.  It has Fire Horses/Mares!  It has a Wizard.  It has a giant, out-of-focus Monster.  It has the Glaive.  Yeah, I'm still leaning hard on that one- since the Film did, after all.  In any event, it has all of that...and is still kind of boring.  When it tries to be interesting or when Action happens, it can be fun.  It has some good effects...and some bad ones.  The James Horner Soundtrack is great, feeling epic and grand.  It has to be, unfortunately, since so much of the Film is just long, unbroken shots of fields and cliffs.  I get it- nature exists!  It doesn't exploit establishing shots as much as the next Film I'm going to Review, but it is excessive.  With some restraint and some serious Plot tweaks, this could have been amazing.  It is one of those rare Films where I'm all 'Yeah, Remake it.  See what you can do.'  What's the harm?  The Film should be great.  It's not great.  We'll always have the Glaive though.  Well, that and this kick-ass Poster (that doesn't prepare you for anything)...

Next time, I cover a weird bit of Social Commentary from Australia.  Flat Earthers think that the Continent is fake, so let's see how they made a Film.  Stay tuned...