Friday, July 15, 2016

Top 12 Complaints About the 'Paranormal Activity' Series

I finally got around to watching the final (please be true!) Film in the Series, so now I can mock it properly.  Do I need to bust out the Soap Box for this one?

SPOILERS for this, since, you know, I'm talking about the whole Franchise.  You were warned..
12. All of a Sudden- Witches Everywhere: So at the end of Paranormal Activity 4, the girl runs into the backyard and is confronted 100 people.

I have many questions, not limited a) how did she not see them?  b) how did she not hear them?  c) why so many for one person?!?

11. Magic HD Cameras: I suppose it is a conceit of the Film, but it still bugs me...

So Paranormal Activity 3 is a Prequel that takes place in 1988.  Yes, this 2011 Film looks as sharp and detailed as, well, something shot in 2011.  Kind of cheat, don't you think?

10. Ghosts Love Kinect: Paranormal Activity 4 sure does love corporate synergy, it seems.

A whole section of the Film involves people playing Kinect and later showing off how the light-detection works.  On top of that, Robbie and Wyatt (more on him later) apparently made an Avatar for 'Toby,' the Demonic Spirit at the heart of this Series.  Say what?!?

9. Sequel Confusion: So let me get this straight- the order of events is Paranormal Activity 3, part of Paranormal Activity 6 (and later the official end), Paranormal Activity...until the 2nd half, Paranormal Activity 2...until right before the end, Paranormal Activity (again)...until we get the end of Paranormal Activity 5 and then Part 4, 5 (until the end) and 6 (save for parts of the middle and the end).

Make sense?

8. Magical Disappearing Robbie?:  More picking on Paranormal Activity 4, arguably the dumbest one.

So Robbie is just some random kid stolen by the Witches to pretend to be Katie's son so that they'll take him in, use him to convert Katie's Cousin (who she kidnapped) and turn him evil?

My question- where does he go?  As the Film wraps up, he doesn't appear again.  Explain, Movie!

7. Ghost Cameras?:  The crux of Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension is that a special camera can see Ghosts.  Even accepting that...

Who made it?  Why?  Did I miss something or did you just dump this thing in with no setup?

6. Without warning...Chronicle:  This one is a mixed complaint, but a valid one.

So this guy in Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is slowly being possessed which, naturally, gives him superpowers.

Wait- no, it doesn't!!!

5. Sliding Continuity:  The problem with making six of these is numerous, but here's one...

So Paranormal Activity 3 ends with the girls leaving with the Witch, but now the scene is different in Part 6.  In fact, that Film adds a whole other section in 1992, which apparently meant that the Grandma covered the murders and moved back into the House for years.

That's just one of many Retcons big and small, be it like this or the one in my final Complaint.

4. All of those pointless long shots: All of the Films have them.  They are annoying.

Do I need to say anymore?

3. Why not erase the tapes?:  So are these the best Witches or the worst?

They know that all of the major killings took place on-camera, but did nothing to stop the Film or erase the tapes.  In Part 6, the Plot is driven by the Dad watching more and more tapes.

The problem: the Plot of the Witches (more on that later) doesn't hinge upon anyone else seeing it.  Since that's the case, WHY.  NOT.  ERASE.  THE.  TAPES?!?!?

2. What Exactly is the big plan?:  After 6 Films, it is worth asking, right?

So they turned two girls evil in the 1980s, ignored them for about 2 Decades and then...had one kidnap a kid...which they promptly put up for Adoption.  They got him back and...well, what exactly.

Do they want to take over the World?  Do they want Cookies?  What is the long-term motivation here?!?

1. Time Travel?!?:  So Ghosts can walk between Dimensions now?  This allows them to Time Travel?  Is Sam Beckett a Ghost?!?

I really want to know who said 'Right- so now we're introducing Time Travel into this Series' and wasn't immediately beaten with a steel rod.  It is just so 'out of left field' you know.  Even worse is who they 'double down' on the idea in Part 6, especially in the Alternate Ending.  Just weird.

Thanks- I feel better now.

Let me know if I missed any that bothered you...

1 comment:

  1. I was OK with the first one (original ending)... should have stopped there.