Thursday, December 20, 2012

WTF Tibor?!?: Nostradamus (2000)

Seems like a fitting film to review before the end of the world, right?  Today's film is Nostradamus, a film that's really hard to find.  I think I know the reason- my DVD was Released in 2000.  I'm pretty sure that this is the ONLY DVD release out there, hence the lack of Discs in 2012.  No need to produce more Discs or anything, guys!  The thing is that this movie is actually kind of neat.  It's a shame that this movie is so hard to track down, since it bears at least one viewing by any curious filmgoer.  Brought to you by the only man to have The Gate, Syfy Channel films and TWO Sabrina: The Teenaged Witch films on his Resume, Tibor Takacs, this movie is a refreshing take on the 'evil cult trying to end the World.'  Granted, it's fresh take is a mix of other previous films made before.  That said, it's so crazy that it kind of works.  While there are some problems with the execution, it's the kind of film that could work with a big Studio, big money and a major marketing machine behind it.  It got a small Studio, not much money and barely-released on DVD, so here we are.  To see how crazy this can get, read on...
In the 16th Century, a madman leading The 6th Order is trying to push the battle of the End Times ahead of schedule.  How does that affect us in the Present Day (of 2000)?
Speaking of the Present, Rob Estes is a Cop investigating a series of mysterious deaths.  People are spontaneously-combusting and no evidence is found.  What's going on?
As a bonus, our hero is trying to figure out why he's hallucinating visions of himself as a bearded man.  I do that too, but I mostly just ignore it by this point.

Shut up, Ancient Me!
Want to know what's going on?  Well, you may not believe me when I tell you.  Okay...

You see, the 6th Order is sending half-man/half-demon creatures forward in time (via a time machine) and having them use their power to make the soul melt, thus destroying the body.
 That's honestly what's happening here.  To make things better...

After killing the initial assassin, Estes puts on his ring (for no good reason) and gets sucked back in time.
 When he is able to return, nobody knows who he is.  Being dragged back in time meant that he was ERASED from this timeline, you see.

All I can think is that the movie should have started here.  Given how crazy the plot is, hearing him explain would have sounded really fake.  When you finally flash back, you can go 'Told you so, audience!'
They don't.  Instead, he rejoins the FBI Psychic from earlier, who he convinced of his story by, no joke, catching The Black Plague.  No, really.

As it turns out, she's the last person on the list.
Fulfilling Villain Cliche #54, the main Villain shows up for the final confrontation.  That will show all of those lazy Managers our there!
The Ending of this film is weird, as it seems to set up a TV show.  Our hero can travel to the Present for set periods of time and has to keep battling The 6th Order.  Nostradamus: The Series anyone?  The End.
That...certainly wasn't what I was expecting.  In a rare case (not the capitalized form), this is actually me paying it a compliment.  I was expecting something really generic, but I got something completely crazy.  Seriously, time-traveling Satanists who can melt your soul by saying a few sentences in Latin- gold!  There's no preparing you for this bat-shit insane plot!  In fairness, there is a cheap re-use of sets, some pretty bad CG effects (which they only show a couple times) and most of the action scenes are resolved in prolonged shoot-outs.  The core of the film is interesting and could have led to something bigger.  Alas, the end result is a film that a lot of people have never seen.  Even one Maynard Morrisey hasn't reviewed it on his titular Horror Diary.  Jealous?  So, what I'm trying to say is this: if you can track this film, get it.  You probably won't pay more than $5 for it (sorry, Tibor) and it's more than worth it.  God bless you, you silly, nonsensical story!  Take us away, goofy effect...
Next up, I go where few Star Wars fans dare to go.  It's Ewok side-movies time!  Stay tuned...

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