Orange Crap: The Pumpkin Karver

Double your shitty costume fun!  Today's film is The Pumpkin Karver, a movie that you can simply judge by the title.  Blah blah blah don't judge a book by its cover blah blah blah.  For anyone who says that, I give you The Pumpkin Karver.  While it's low on the echelon of stupid movie titles that give you the right to judge the movie- see Over-Sexed Rug-Suckers From Mars or Surf Nazis Must Die-, it is still some stupid shit.  Does changing the 'C' into a 'K' make the movie seem scary?  No.  Does it make a lick of sense?  No, again.  So what is the movie about?  It's essentially one of those 'Is the guy the killer or is there really a killer' movies.  Obviously, this can be done right.  Obviously if I'm reviewing this movie, it is not.  In a random note, this movie features Amy Weber.  If you don't know her, I don't blame you.  Basically, she was a Fitness Model (still may be- I don't know) who briefly became a WWE Diva (getting in one game) and appeared in Dangerous Seductress (a Mondo Macabro release).  It's been three years since I even mentioned her name, so that's good news (for her).  To find out just how this movie goes wrong, read on...

Skipping past most of the long opening, a guy pulls an elaborate prank where he pretends to be a serial killer.  Ladies- that's a catch!

Unfortunately, he forgets that her brother is still there, so he gets stabbed to death with a pumpkin (k)carving knife.

Yeah- that was a funny joke.

Oh and nice fake blood.  It TOTALLY looks real.

 After this, we jump ahead quite some time (about a year or so) and meet...these guys.

Yeah, we're supposed to care if they live or die.  Show of hands?

Thus begins a random set of scenes involving killing...

...and this character, who is clearly a Red Herring.  They should have just made that his name like the joke on Duckman.

Now here's where it gets weird.  The Pumpkin-Masked Killer appears before our hero and...shoots lightning at him.  Yeah, I don't get it.

So is the idea that he's imagining this...or I don't know.

Oh and the whole sub-plot with him and this blond meets a sudden and abrupt ending.

In the End, it appears that our hero killed Red Herring while he thought that he was killing Pumpkin Masked Killer.  The Police don't think that he killed anyone.

Oh and that guy in the middle is TV Pitchman Tony Little.  Why he has this random Acting role is anyone's guess.

Oh and our hero turns into the killer (who's name is Alec)...or something.  I'm past caring.  The End.

Trick or lame!  This movie has an interesting idea- a killer may or may not be coming back from the dead for revenge.  So what could go wrong?  For one, the acting is bad.  This, combined with the sub-par writing, makes me not care about any of these characters.  Speaking of the Writing, could they pick an idea and stick with it?  Is he the killer?  Is the killer an evil spirit?  Honestly, I'm still not sure.  Given how lame the movie is, you can imagine how little sleep I've been losing over this.  I don't want to hate (most) movies, but some of them just give me so little choice!  All of this film is sub-par at best and terrible at worst.  The pacing is weird, leading to long stretches of nothing between some fairly-brief kills.  I cared for none of the characters and their deaths pretty much nothing to me.  There are hints of a good movie in here, but that's all you get.  If only I had some sort of Neuralizer or something...

Next up, another shitty Slasher film set on Halloween.  This is what I get for ignoring Trick or Treat.  Stay tuned...