Instant Horror Crap: The Devil Within Her

You will believe that a baby could punch you in the face!  Today's film is The Devil Within Her, the older and less-funny version of The Devil Inside.  Actually, it has nothing to do with that film and was made in the '70s. It is also not to be confused with The Devil Within (featuring one Bill Oberst Jr).  It also has nothing to do with THIS Devil Within Her, which is also known as faux Beyond the Door...which led to two 'sequels.'  Before I confuse anyone any further, let me tell you why this movie should be famous: demon baby with super-strength.  Oh yeah, this is real.  Joan Collins has a baby, only to find out that it has super-strength and ain't taking no shit from anyone.  You think that I jest- I do not.  The whole film is built around people being scared of a killer baby.  It doesn't even have giant teeth like It's Alive.  Instead, it's presented through pretty-lame trick photography and random shots of a baby not seeming to be aware of anything.  Thrilling!  To find out why this movie fails and succeeds in many ways, read on...

Joan Collins- who I forget is British- and her Italian fiancee have a baby.  What could possibly go wrong?

 Oh right- it turns out that her baby is possessed by the Devil.  Want to know why?

Well, she spurned the advances of a Dwarf performer at a Night Club about a year earlier.  Being a Dwarf, he curses her child to be born possessed by Satan.

I don't question this, so why should you?

Donald Pleasance is here...to deliver his lines with all of the conviction of someone who just doesn't give a shit.  He gets his later though...

When Doctors and Nuns work together...nothing really happens.  Like much of this movie, it just kind of exists.  Oh well.

To make this more interesting (than the movie), I'll highlight two of the 'baby's' biggest moments.  First, it pushes a babysitter into a lake.

This kills her, you see, since she hits the water and lightly drifts against a rock.  Apparently her head was made of tissue paper.

When Collins brings the man who may or may not be the baby daddy home to see it, it punches him in the face.  Oh yeah- that happened.

The brief shining light in this film is John Steiner- who's appeared in such film as Yor, Hunter from the Future, Sinbad of the Seven Seas and Beyond the Door II- who's always awesome.  Naturally, he's barely in the film.

Skipping ahead, the movie kills off its main characters in silly, silly ways.  The baby somehow breaks out and sets up a noose trap to kill the husband.  No, really.

Later on, it sets up a trap to decapitated Dr. Pleasance...with a shovel.  Words fail me, gentlemen.

In the End, everyone except the Nun Sister, who does an exorcism to save the baby...which also kills the Dwarf.

By the way, he was at the Club the whole time.  This never came up?  The End.

How do you kill a movie premise so viciously?  What's good- the goofy premise, the shots of London and John Steiner.  I love the guy- I make no qualms about that.  What's bad- the pacing, the execution and the overall tone of the movie.  I wanted to laugh at the silly premise and the dramatic acting...but they really make it suck.  It just doesn't have anything going for it...in spite of the silly premise.  Seriously- it's an evil, killer baby...and they made it boring.  Is it any wonder that I haven't mustered up the interest to watch this film in the multiple months that it has sat in my Instant Queue.  Given that I saw part of it on AMC like four years ago and finally watched it this week, it should say a lot about the film.  The bottom line: the killer baby parts are so ridiculous that they're funny.  Everything else is boring as hell.  When a movie relies on this shot to inspire terror, you know that nothing good will come of it...

Next up, a blatant knock-off of an overrated horror film from the '80s.  Will Netflix's VHS transfer turn the tide?  Stay tuned...