Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Trashy Trash: Nude Nuns with Big Guns

A title says it all sometimes.  This is Nude Nuns with Big Guns.  Need I say any more?  It's part of a new generation of movies emulating the Grindhouse (literally and figuratively) mystique with violent content, nudity and strange titles.  A lot of these are mixed bags, while others are, well, Ticked Off Trannies With Knives.  That.  movie.  hurt.  Regardless, this film intrigued me long ago with its title and box art last year.  How is the film?  To find out, read on...
Getting the tits right from the beginning?  Great.

The plot involves a bunch of Catholic Churches that are a front for drug dealers.  No, really.
When one Nun tries to steal some drugs, the group- save for one- are killed.  The survivor- she's drugged up and made into a prostitute who gets sexually-assaulted by...the guy from A Haunting in Salem.

No normal roles for you indeed, Mr. Oberst!
She survives the attack and is rescued by the drug den's chemist.  That's right- even the people who make the crack that is forcibly-injected into unwilling prostitutes can have hearts!
Having seen 'a vision from God,' our naked Nun heroine decides to go on a path of murder and revenge!  Conveniently, much of this happens in flashbacks told by other people.  Weird.
 This pair are the most evil of evil people.  Actually, there are about a dozen random, evil people.  Way to focus, movie!
 Let's take a moment from the plot to insert this lesbian scene.  Thank you- the review may continue.
Where was I?  Oh right, a group of Bikers called Los Muertos- creative- are the main henchmen here.  They are horrible people and just exist to get shot to death.
Nun rape- this movie has it.  It happens twice.  I think that speaks for itself.
 Will the villains get what they deserve?  Will a naked Nun fire a gun at least once?  Will a man get his dick shot of?  Yes to all three of those.  To find out more details, see the movie.  The End.
This movie is pretty damn crazy.  It's full of violence, nudity and depravity.  The plot is bleak and full of painful moments.  Good people die...or worse.  That said, this is a rape/murder revenge tale, so that's par for the course.  This movie is certainly dark, featuring about four or five rape scenes in it.  That's a lot, even for the sub-genre.  I will say that this movie tries a bit too hard.  Much like Planet Terror, it's not all that much like an actual 'Grindhouse' film in a lot of ways.  This movie is darker, bleaker and more violent than those films ever were (as far as I know).  Seriously, Nun Rape happens twice in this movie!  Another thing that's odd is the morality of the whole thing.  Our heroine is out for revenge for what happened to her- fine.  However, she was partaking in the production and trafficking of drugs for a long time beforehand.  Her first kill is the guy who saved her, which she explains is her first test of resolve.  That's a weird bit of logic, but I guess 'God' told you to do it.  In The End, this movie is a mixed bag of trashy goodness.  If you actually pick up a film with this title, you'll probably like it.  It's not that great though, no matter how much picture blocking I must do...
Next up, a recent horror film full of silly powers, stupid plot twists and arty visuals.  Mad TV cast member for the win!  Stay tuned...

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