Saturday, May 12, 2012

Spanish Crap: Anguish

This film makes David Lynch look like Michael Bay.  It is so amazingly-arty that it hurts.  I won't waste too much time explaining why it's so pretentious to you.  Why?  Because it's much more fun to have it happen as part of the review and catches you off-guard.  Yeah, I'm a dick like that.  I will tell you that this film stars as the odd duo of Zelda Rubinstein and Michael Lerner.  How often have we had the chance to see that?  To find out what makes this fairly-obscure, Spanish film so ridiculous, read on...
The film opens with a warning that the film could mind-control.  Thanks for blocking pubic hair, but not this, MPAA!
Michael Lerner is a man who works for an Opthamologist, but tells his Mother that he's an Eye-Surgeon.  Speaking of her...
...she can hear people talking by holding a sea shell up to her ears.  Yeah, I don't get it.

Anyhow, she hypnotizes him into killing people- like a woman at the Clinic.  However, it's about this time that the film turns.
The movie is actually a filmed being watched in a Theater.  Wait, wait, wait- people paid money to see this film?  That's stretching reality too far for my liking it!
One of the two main characters goes outside to get a break from the film and...crap, I should have just saved this film for Sunday.  Oh well.
 How can this film get more Meta?  By having Lerner break into a Theater showing The Lost World- the 1925 version, for some reason- and start killing people.  Don't back up anymore or we'll get a super-infinity shot!!!
One of the audience members goes crazy and starts killing people.  I'd include the Theater Staff as Poor Bastards of Cinema, if they were remotely-interesting.  They're not.
The film gets nice and even more Meta when the man in the Theater begins to act out the Climax of the film he's the Theater.  It's not clear how he matches the actions so well or, especially, how the Police come in and time up perfectly.

Who needs Logic when you can make Infinity Shots?
 I would be remiss if I didn't mention the implausible Twist Ending where Lerner shows up in the Hospital with our heroine.  Coincidence?  Evil magic?  Never stated.  The End.
What can I say about this movie?  Some Spanish guy- who is an accomplished Director and Judge at Cannes- came up with a silly, silly idea.  He made it, putting in as many pretentious and artistic flourishes as possible.  Some of you may be reading this and go 'wow, that looks so clever.'  I suppose that one could argue that...just not me.  It's just pretentious bullshit.  I may get some flack for that, but I can live with it.  Other than the silly premise, there is no point to this movie.  Is there a message?  Is there a point?  No.  It's just a pretense to show a bunch of silly imagery and gore.  For all the pretentiousness on display here, that's all it is.  Spin out!
Next up, a Chinese fantasy film about time-travel.  Of course, it's real focus is on sex jokes that make Judd Apatow films look subtle.  Stay tuned...


  1. Spanish 80s horror? Artsy fartsy? Zelda Rubinstein? I'm in!! :)

    1. Heh. You'd later regret it.