Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Project Terrible: Goth

Austria strikes hard and strikes deep!  Maynard Morrisey has clearly been trying to unload this movie on people for a while, even trying to give it to Bob at one point in this Round.  I bit the bullet on this one and it makes for a nice exit wound.  The film is Goth.  It's a low-budget horror film about a lady named Goth.  No, really.  If you think that they'll use the name for a joke, you'd be right- three times.  This movie is what you get if you combined Training Day with a crappy horror film made for $100.  This should be fun, right?  I'll attempt to make this film sound interesting and relevant, which should test my fake journalistic skills!  To find out why one crazy Austrian has been trying to make people review this movie, read on...
Our In Media Res intro- how classy!- features our heroine waking up and finding a bunch of bodies in a cheap tenement house.  Way to SPOIL the ending, me...I mean, movie!
Our heroine goes to a Club with her boyfriend to see...a Punk band.  Can you not book a Goth Rock Band for the film Goth?  Really now.

Anyhow, she meets Goth and agrees to do random drugs with her.
Fun fact: being a Goth chick gives you super-strength.  How else do you explain Goth tossing around wannabe-wrestlers more than twice her size.  She's the 'Denzel' of this story.
Oddly, our heroine seems to play along with Goth more than you might think.  Does she have an ulterior motive?
As soon as she's done making out with Goth, I'll ask her.
Goth's 'Lesson in being Goth' results in lots of random death, including some random hooker and The Bartender from Feast.

Nah, just kidding.  Even HE is too good to be in this film.
Our heroine's back-story is told in these super-bright and cheesy flashbacks.  The short version: her Sister- who was not a Goth chick- was beaten to death at a Goth Club.  Her culprit was listed by one word: Goth.

Seriously, that's all she has to go with!!!
Our heroine stumbles out of Goth's van and into a Bachelor Party...which promptly decides to rape her.  Men are interesting creatures in movies, sometimes.
After taking out the room- and her boyfriend-, our heroine wanders outside and runs into Goth.  Darn, I could have sworn that she was going to be imaginary.  She stabs Goth.
In The End, our heroine becomes Goth.  Of course, her revenge scheme comes full-circle.  Wait- what?  The End.
So yeah, that was Goth.  What can I say about this movie?  It's bad.  It's real bad.  It's Training Day, but about Goth people and has a budget that can't be more than $200.  There are a number of really stupid things done in the Production that hurt it.  One- set in a scene in a Van and really film it there.  Two- don't shell out the money for good actors.  Phoebe Dollar is kind of fun here, but only because she's just so odd.  Her Southern Accent- which comes and goes- makes her dark talk about 'embracing life through death' seem especially silly.  Yes, there are the number of scenes in which she beats up full-grown men.  She even takes down the boyfriend while he's wielding a full-sized chair!  Either she's super-strong or he's the worst man ever!  I can't help but talk about the Ending here too.  What was it supposed to mean?  Was Goth real?  She's seems to imply her stupid Ending monologue that she didn't kill anyone.  I have to wonder about that one, since not everyone who saw Goth died.  Were the random Muggers holding our heroine hostage, only to let her go and then get beat up by her?  Did her boyfriend wonder why she led him outside only to start talking to herself?  She had to be what was the point of that dialog at the End?  Regardless, Goth is a stupid and Terrible movie.  Not as stupid and Terrible as this guy's hair though...
Next up, I cover another film courtesy of Gaming Creatively.  Can the guy from Highlander make this movie less cliche?  Stay tuned...


  1. Believe it or don't - I worked with Phoebe Dollar on Super Mario Bros 20 years ago - she was pretty funny to hang out with back then. It's funny you say her Southern accent comes and goes - because she is from the South - so was she trying not to have one, and it kept slipping through? Well, regardless the movie sounds pretty damn bad. No Ron Jeremy cameo? He and Phoebe have been popping up in each other's movies for a while...

  2. LOL glad you survived it :D I almost forgot about the guy with the terrible hair - my goodness, this guy looks shit :)

  3. I almost went with 'Goth Bloopers' for my stinger, Maynard, but...that hair must be seen. Poor guy probably only ever appeared in this movie too, I bet.

    As far as her accent goes, that's kind of what I figured. I just thought of it like the actors in 'Wrong Turn 3' who began to slip into their natural, British accents a bit towards the End.

    As for a Ron Jeremy cameo, there is none. He must have been too busy appearing randomly in Troma films.