Thursday, April 12, 2012

Starch Overload: Children of the Corn 7- Revelations

Ugh.  That's all I can say.  After six films in this series, I wanted a film that's at least decent.  This film sucks.  There's no ifs, ands or buts about it.  There's usually something silly or funny to say about the films- i.e. Magic Corn Powers- but there's not much to say here.  While this film wasted 90 minutes of my time, I won't waste any more of yours.  For more, read on...
After a bizarre opening, our heroine shows up at an Apartment complex by a Cornfield.  These kids show up and never really say anything.  This happens about 80 times.
The kids randomly show up and kill people in the building, only some of which they really set up.  This happens about 10 times in the movie.
This guy is apparently the Cult Leader.  Continuity here is a bit confusing as the film has an old lady die and 'her soul' becomes her kid form.  Meanwhile, this guy from 60 years ago is...older, somehow.  He shows up about 3 times, mostly in the Climax.
Michael Ironside shows up- taking time away from being in Jett Jackson: The Movie- three times.  He only speaks in the third time...and just leaves.  Good for you, Michael.
Our heroine battles the kids- kind of- and manages to burn the Cornfield and Apartment down.  Is it over?  Good.  The End.
How uninspired.  Were they even trying here?  The movie has the barest of plots and just drags on and on.  It all has to do with a bunch of kids in the '30s dying in a Tent fire as a way of mass suicide.  One of them- the heroine's grandmother- survives and the Cult comes back after *sigh* someone randomly builds an Apartment Building where they died.  Okay, you've made Children of the Corn: Pet Sematary!!!  The whole thing is just a cheap, cliche mess.  Random kills, pointlessly-long shots and a dull heroine make up this film.  This series seemed to go out with the saddest of whimpers, were it not for the Syfy Channel.  Nice cameo by The House of the Dead...
Next up, the Syfy Channel remake aka The Apologist Version.  Does this one match up to the original?  Stay tuned...

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