Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Starch Overload: Children of the Corn 666- Isaac's Return

Who demanded this again?  After four sequels, the series' original villain is back.  Now wait a second here, remember the original film?  That's the film in which Malachai turns on Isaac for not leading them properly and sacrifices him to He-Who-Walks-Behind-The-Rows.  So why isn't this Children of the Corn 666: Malachai's Return?  Oh right- he didn't sign up for this one.  He was too busy starring in King Cobra- yea? Let me try to be positive though.  This film is trying to channel the energy of the original film, a film that everyone except Stephen King and it's Producer still like.  More on that later.  Can this movie be more relevant than the last two or at least more logical than the two before that?  It's Part 6(66), so I kind of doubt it.  Was Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood the film that turned the series around?  No.  To find out if this film does the nearly-impossible, read on...
The film begins with some random shots of a Cornfield and this guy's corpse falling into frame.  Since this happens at The End of the film, why the hell is it here?  It's just confusing!!!
The film actually begins with this lady driving back to Gatlin to find her Mother.  Screw her adopted parents- she needs closure.  Off to Gatlin.
She gets taken to the town Hospital by some suspicious acting people.  She gets chased by a crazy man until she runs into...Isaac.  He's been in a coma for the last 19 years and...okay, I have to vent here for a moment...
First- screw you, movie!

Second, why did you go this route?  He was sucked up by He-Who-Walked-Behind-The-Rows.  He seemingly comes back as a corpse to kill why is he in a coma?  I should just ignore the Ending of that movie aka the only good one so far?

So, to be clear, Isaac wasn't killed, walked outside of the Cornfield (to avoid being blown up), immediately fell into a Coma, wasn't found by the Cops (in Part II), got set-up in the Hospital by Stacy Keach (who just moved back, apparently) and has been on life-support for nearly two decades.

Bull and shit, movie.  Moving on...
The other star is Nancy Allen, who probably should have invested her Robocop money better.  I love you, but you're in Part 6- hello!  She's our heroine's mother, another part of the conspiracy.  She's...pretty unimportant.
Isaac is awake and enacting a prophecy that states that the first two children of the Children will sire a new, master race.  There are many problems here, but I've ranted enough already.
Our heroine escapes from the Cult and their ceremony.  She immediately hooks up with this True Blood-looking fella.  This will be important later, because...
That guy is actually the sire of He-Who-Walks-Behind-The-Rows.  You know, that Cloud thing from the movie.  Go ahead- soak that one in.

Anyhow, he kills Isaac- after he does nothing but give lectures- and fakes his own death, apparently dooming society by having a child soon to be sired by our heroine.  This twist ending- also ignored in the series.  The End.
Erm, I don't get it.  What was the point of this movie again?  They wanted to make another film, but felt like they needed an edge.  As such, they brought back Isaac.  Quick aside: IMDB says that John Franklin is the only actor to appear in two CotC films.  That's not actually true, as the guy who plays 'Jake' appears in Part IV as 'Concerned Father.'  Granted, I've already said that the film really isn't a CotC movie, but that's an odd gaffe on their part.  Here's the problem: this whole movie is a fake-out.  This is not about Isaac rising to power once again- it's about this other guy.  Everything about the film is about Isaac posturing about his power- the prophecy coming true-, but being very ineffectual when it comes down to it- he has to be woken up by Hannah's touch.  Was this all intentional?  If so, it was a severe miscalculation!  Who is this random guy who is apparently the son sired by a Glowing Cloud?  Is he important in the franchise?  If you were positioning him as a major player for future sequels, that didn't happen.  Never mind that this is the fourth film to have a 'oh shit, we're all screwed' Ending that has no pay-off.  The bottom line: don't plan for sequels that you may not get.  Were they planning to take the series to Germany after Part 3's ending?  Did they plan to have the demon kid be the villain after Part V's ending?  This series just continues to find new ways to disappoint.  This film sets up something interesting here, but has no good pay-off.  If you actually cared, it's a letdown.  Take us away, contact lenses on a comatose man...
Next up, the final film for several years in the franchise.  Will this film feel like something new or the same old shit?  Stay tuned...

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