Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Werewolf Week: Wolvesbayne

Welcome to Dracula's Curse!  As weird as this sentence sounds, today's movie appears to be a rip-off of an Asylum film.  I know, I'm shocked too!  The film in question is Bram Stoker's Dracula's Curse, a film I reviewed just over a year ago.  The similarities are so striking that I'm just amazed that anyone would touch it.  I'll go more into the plot similarities in the review, but I'll point out that a lot of the cast is shared among both films.  Both films have Rhett Giles and Leigh Scott, a common Asylum performer.  In a bit of confusion, the IMDB page for the films does not list them as being related.  However, whoever wrote the FAQs for them seems to disagree.  The same page also lists Curse as 'Following' Frankenstein Reborn and The Beast of Bray Road...since they have a lot of the same cast (Ghiles, etc).  So, in summary, IMDB is about as trustworthy as your neighborhood coke dealer.  With an all-star cast that includes one of the London twins, I'm sure that we'll get something great.  To see more proof to the contrary, read on...
In an exposition dump full of cheap CG and bad acting, we learn that a bunch of vampires locked up Lilith for all time, hoping that she wouldn't come back.  Considering that it's a well-worn Yancy Butler, it's a shame that they failed...

Oh yeah, they use the Nosferatu Amulet.  Words fail me.
The main plot involves a jerk (London) trying to get a building development done and rubbing a shop owner the wrong way.  Thanks to a random werewolf attack, he gets dragged into a plot involving werewolves, vampires and...
Rhett Ghiles, again playing a Van Helsing.  Is he the same guy?  Considering that he's not a vampire and his vampire girlfriend- aka 'The Bitch from Monster- is not here, I'd say 'no.'  I mean...sequel!
You have to see Mark Dacascos and his weird zombie/vampire make-up.  It almost makes the movie worth seeing- almost.
Leigh Scott is here as 'The Old Man,' a vampire Lord...or something.  He's clearly the same character, as shown by this comparison between the two films...
The plot gets a little bit jumbled thanks to this weird idea of cross-cutting between action scenes.  In one part, they jump between four different ones!  Random image!
With that out of the way, let's focus on the silly climax involving Lilith back alive and using magic.  ILM must be so jealous...
Scott's different Old Man meets a weird fate as he's zapped by...um, force lightning and aged to death.  There's no way that I can top this silliness unless...
...this happens.  The day is saved...for about five minutes, as the film ends on a climax Super Mario Bros-style.  Good luck.  The End.
I can't wait for the next 'sequel!'  The plot of this movie is kind of weird.  Basically, a guy is a complete dick, gets cursed with being a werewolf and just kind of randomly gets involved in a multi-century long feud.  Is he ultimately important to the story?  No.  He's just a plot device for people to explain the plot the audience.  With your main character pointless, who is there to root for?  Well, Dacascos is hilarious to watch, even if he is the villain.  Everyone else- meh.  The film tries to make me care, but I don't.  The bulk of the film is relegated to random plot points- the vampire hunters are assholes- and London being trained to fight using his werewolf powers...but not transforming.  Sorry, no budget!  The film is pretty terrible and forgettable, but there are glimmers of decent action- mostly Dacascos and his ability to randomly-teleport- and silly effects.  Here's an insult that might confuse you- it's not nearly as good as Dracula's Curse...which also sucks, but not as much as most Asylum films.  Just stick to that movie and it's random devil vampire.  He needs a movie, as opposed to silly crap like this...
Next up, a Werewolf film that rips off Freddy Kreuger and involves rape.  It's amazing how obscure this crap is!  Stay tuned...

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