It does not suck you in. Many readers from Generation Z may not be aware that Disney- the monolith that controlled their childhood through teen years- was at one point bankrupt. That's right- they nearly lost it all. Imagine life if they had been forced to pawn off the Disney Vault! You could buy any Disney film whenever you wanted, not just on leap years or on sacred Samhain. What could have nearly brought down this monolithic company? Common knowledge tells you that it was Tron, the film that was less successful than its arcade game counterpart. That is...not exactly the truth. The actual reason is a slew of films: The Black Hole, Tron and Something Wicked This Way Comes. It was the successive failure of all three films that did this, much in the same way that over-printing and foil covers nearly brought down Marvel. So what is this movie? It's a fairly-dull sci-fi film about the discovery of a ship floating near the titular body in space. What is the reason? What could possibly be the purpose? Why does the robot have creepy, doll eyes? All of these questions will be answered- slowly- in today's review. Hide your dead mother as we enter...
Oh my bad, we actually get two and a half minutes of music in front of this black screen. Is this a DVD extra gone awry or did they really start the film like this? If so, I can see why it bombed. You're not Fantasia- which was also a flop, by the way.
The actual film begins with a spaceship flying around and coming across a black hole. Norman Bates is intrigued...
...while this robot is...um, happy...sad...I don't know. All I know is that those eyes are creepy as hell. Kudos for getting Roddy McDowall to do the voice, even if he is uncredited.
This scientist- who is a dead ringer for Topol from Flash Gordon- has been doing some experiments with the black hole. In addition, his whole crew is gone, while he has a bunch of robots in hoods walking around. Hmm...
Our robot friend makes a buddy with a similar robot, voiced here by Slim Pickens (also uncredited). I hope you like their scenes, because they help pad out the movie by at least fifteen minutes.
The Captain (Robert Forster) witnesses a robot funeral and finally figures out the truth: they're the crew. Time to get the 'F' out of here!
In The End, the villain tries to fly the ship- with our heroes' ship in tow- into the Black Hole and out the other side. They escape just in time to avoid this...
...what is this exactly? Apparently Hell- or the evil Mountain from Fantasia- exists in the Black Hole. Suck it, Stephen Hawking. The End.
How did you not make money here? The plot of this movie has potential, but squanders it. The crazy scientist- good. The mysterious vessel and the quest for power- good. The ho-hum execution of the plot that just kind of meanders- bad. The cast is alright, but they don't really get much to do. Even a good actor like Forster just kind of sleepwalks through the role. The role is written in such a generic manner that I wonder why he has a name- why not just call him Captain?!? The whole thing is just played in such a lackadaisical manner that it is just amazing. On top of that, the movie is full of weird, random things that never get explained. Why cast McDowall and Pickens in roles like this? Why does the female scientist have ESP? More importantly, why does she have a psychic connection...with a robot?!? How the hell does that work?!? The ending is amazingly-random too. It's easy to see why this movie failed- it's just dull. Makes me wonder how Something Wicked This Way Comes looks after twenty-plus years. Hmm...
Next up, one of the most infamous movie musicals of all-time (not starring The Village People). No Beatles allowed. Stay tuned...
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