After 'Blair Witch': Altered

Rednecks & Aliens.  Eduardo Sanchez is just about as prolific as Daniel Myrick when it comes to movies.  His films, however, are not so good.  Case in point: this uneven film from 2006.  Never heard of it?  You're in good company, as I only stumbled across it by accident.  The plot is simple: rednecks capture an alien and seek revenge.  With a budget of $8 million, what kind of action can we get though?  Not that all big-budget films are good, but we have to set our expectations properly.  Oddly, this film is very gory, but was originally planned to be a comedy.  That must have been some comedy script!  To see a film that talks about major events instead of showing them, read on and prepare to be...

In a 'cold open,' our heroes chase...something in the Woods and eventually catch it...off-camera.  Off to a good start.

The trio take it to their friend, who does not want it.  When his girlfriend/fiancee gets too close, he has no choice.  What is it exactly?

It looks like they caught the missing 6th Ninja Turtle (after Venus De Milo, of course).  It has to be building up to something right...

Correct.  It's one pissed off alien!  You see, our heroes were abducted by these guys years ago and they killed their friend.  Now, they want revenge...but it's not going too well.  How can you tell?

When the creature is holding on to one half of your intestines like a cat playing with some string, that's how.  Ew.

Things get worse and worse, in spite of the alien being held captive to be tortured.  You see, if they kill him, the rest will come and destroy the Earth.  Seems fair.

If I can keep showing you shots of the alien- the film's only good aspect- I can distract you from the fact that the film's hero becomes a whiny little bitch.

I won't SPOIL too much, but I will show you that this happens.  The End.

Is one good suit enough?  The plot of this film is decent, but it suffers from a lot of problems.  For one, the film's key moments are not actually shown.  We hear all sorts of horror stories about the alien abduction, but never see it.  Not that they had to show a lot- a little goes a long way.  Hell, we don't even get the 'P.O.V. shot of the man staring up at the lights' cliche- nothing!  You can't just go 'It was horrible that one time that zombies came out of the ground and nearly killed us' and get away with it.  The only draw here is the horror aspects involving the captured alien and the suit.  That's one damn good suit.  Why is the movie not centered more around this thing?  Is it possible that someone could buy said suit and put it in a better movie?  Seriously though, the film really drags for a long time and is only salvaged by that suit and a flash of good effects at the end.  On the plus side, it's Sanchez' best film out of the two this week...

Up next, Eduardo Sanchez returns to familiar territory.  Translation: this is going to be blurry and annoying.  Stay tuned...