Thursday, November 10, 2011

Infamous Week: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

What in the hell is this?!?  Here's a quick history lesson for all of you who are younger than me and don't know about nearly-everything that happened 80 years before their birth.  The Beatles were a band.  They broke up in 1970.  In 1974, an off-Broadway Musical was made based on their last album.  In 1978, it was made into a movie...without The Beatles.  Their Manager was involved, but that's it.  In their place is just about every other musical group in the 1970s, with the exception of KISS.  They had their own crappy movies to do, people!  Can you make a Musical without real dialogue and only one person actually talking?  Apparently, yes.  To see how this film got its bizarre reputation, read on...
The film begins in WWI and explains that Sgt. Pepper led a band through all of the major wars and periods of history.  All of this, mind you, is just to set up the new band, which consists of The Bee-Gees and Peter Frampton.  Okay then.
The group lives in a ridiculously-idyllic town.  It's essentially how the '70s looked at the '50s and thought it was like.  George Burns approves!
The boys hit it big and fly to a blimp.  There they meet a Record Producer who will take them right to the top.  He's...Dr. Loomis?
There's barely any plot from hereon out.  If you really care, look it up!  Instead, I'll highlight the random guest stars of the film.  First up, Steve Martin...for some reason.
Next up, Alice Cooper appears as the face of the evil company behind the plot.  Nice mustache, dude.
Earth, Wind and Fire show up as...themselves.  No characters for them, huh?  Their contribution: distracting our heroes while Strawberry Fields is kidnapped and their money is stolen.  Nice.
Aerosmith- in mid-heroin abuse, I'm sure- play a villainous band who play a song while holding Strawberry hostage.  If you ever wanted to see Steven Tyler and Peter Frampton fight, you finally get your wish!
Our heroes rush into action!  No caption will make this seem anything other than silly.
In the ultimate case of a lazy, Deus Ex Machina ending, Billy Martin appears as the animated form of the Sgt. Pepper weather vane & undoes all of the bad events with his magic powers.  No, really.
 Random celebrity overload in a sad attempt to copy the album cover.  Thanks- that was necessary.  The End.
Stop singing, please!  There is practically no plot here, but I guess that I can discuss it.  How does this bizarre town exist in a time capsule?  How have they lasted like this when they are so unprepared for any bad thing?  Seriously, the bad guy- Mean Mr. Mustard- goes in with one henchman and takes their most prized possessions!  What exactly is the importance of these instruments?  Furthermore, are we supposed to assume that this band literally played the same instruments for over 40 years?  Nothing ever happened to them?  They didn't have spares?  I should be nicer, you say, this is a Musical after all.  I don't really think that it should qualify as an excuse.  Imagine if Music Man had aliens show up.  Imagine if The King & I was about China fighting the Romans.  Imagine if Annie was about her teaming up with Batman!  Actually, I'd watch that last one.  This 'story' is just so ridiculous and would fall apart if George Burns wasn't narrating.  The film is a mess.  That said, if you like the Beatles songs, they make up 90% of the movie.  Of course, none of them are sung by The Beatles, so that kind of ruins that.  Take us away, random racist robots...
Up next, one of the most famous career transitions of all-time: Cindy Crawford, Actress.  Can this film live up to its Golden Raspberry nominations?  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. You mean Billy Preston, not Billy Martin.

    This is the best movie to ever feature Alice Cooper dunking his face in a cream pie - twice! :-D