Monday, September 19, 2011

Video Nasties: Horrible (aka 18 Other Titles I Won't List Here)

Well, Maynard, I took the bait!  In the last Project Terrible (Version 2.5 with me and Maynard Morrisey- of the titular Horror Diary), I gave him Horrible, a Joe D'Amato film that is a rip-off of Halloween.  He loved the movie, choosing to review the film that preceded it as well.  After his endorsement, I was curious and rented the movie from the-soon-to-be-renamed-Netflix.  How did I feel?  Well, before I answer that, let me give you a little back-story.  In 1980, D'Amato made Anthropophagous (aka Anthropophagous: The Beast, The Grim Reaper, Man Eater, The Savage Island and Zombie 7: The Grim Reaper).  The film was about a giant killer ('George Eastman') who kills some tourists on a Greek island and eats them.  A year later, this film was made.  It is known as Rosso Sangue (aka Horrible, Absurd, Anthropophagous 2, The Grim Reaper 2 and Zombie 6: Monster Hunter).  That's not a typo- the sequel is listed in some areas as coming before it.  Think that modern film titles can be confusing- that is nothing!  Will this film overcome the title confusion and actually win me over?  Will I stop stalling and get to it?  Yes, yes I will...
The DVD is nice enough to warn you that, in order to get a complete film, they compiled the film from two sources- an HD one and a VHS version.  Will it be apparent?
Either I just got a case of Sudden Cataracts Syndrome or this is a VHS print.  I sure hope that it's not like this for..
...and now we're back to HD.  How did this 20 seconds of footage only end up on VHS exactly?
Oh right- the plot.  Essentially, Eastman's killer arrives, America, I guess and has a priest in pursuit of him (Edmund Purdom).  If you think that he's a lot like Dr. Loomis, you'd be correct.  Time to die, nurse!
Eastman pretty much just wanders around and kills people.  He's a mindless brute who kills people, but can't die.  Yea.
In one of my favorite goofs, the parents leave the kids (one of whom is paralyzed, by the way) and babysitter alone at night to watch a football game...which is clearly happening in the broad daylight.  Seriously, Joe?
Since this is a rip-off of Halloween, it does not bode well for the babysitter.  Instead of just killing her, he holds her head in a lit oven for several minutes.  I hope you like long, drawn-out takes- the ending is full of them.
Much like the invincible fighter from Master of the Flying Guillotine, Eastman can still have his eyes gouged out.  You're going for a Cyclops metaphor here, aren't you?
Of course, for all of his invincibility- due to nuclear fallout or something- he can still be killed by this little girl.  Can she keep it, movie- can she?!?  The End.
This is certainly not Terrible...but it's also not that good.  The plot of this film is kind of odd.  It's essentially Halloween, but with 'Loomis' as a Greek Orthodox Priest instead of a doctor.  Side note- Purdom is not in Anthropophagous, making his appearance here all the more confusing.  Adding to that is his character hiding that he's a Priest by holding his coat in front of his 'habit' for about half of the film.  Dude, just don't wear it!  Aside from that, the rest of the film's plot is odd and scattershot too.  We get some doctors and their plot, the family's plot, the babysitter- who also works at the hospital- and her plot and Eastman's random murders.  The film can't ever stay focused on one thing for too long.  ADD much, guys?  All of that said, the movie is not dull and I've certainly seen a lot worse.  With all of the hype and controversy surrounding the original film, it makes me really sad that it's currently OOP on Netflix/Quikster (that name hurts more than Syfy!).  I'll guess I'll have to make due with the 800 Joe D'Amato porn films available to rent instead.  I'll leave you with random stock footage played on a TV for no good reason...
Next up, I cover one of the 800 werewolf films starring Paul Naschy.  This one features murder, doctors and...Paul Naschy stock footage.  Stay tuned...

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