Thursday, September 29, 2011

Moon Over Miami: Crash & Burn

The jokes practically write themselves!  Full Moon is nothing if they are not opportunists.  The superhero film craze of the '80s occurs and they try to make a Doctor Strange movie.  The result turned out to be Doctor Mordrid (which may or may not have a sequel), but they tried.  Likewise, this 1990 film was a sort-of a reply to The Terminator.  This is Full Moon, of course, so the scale, budget and special-effects are not all that comparable.  I won't spoil who plays the Arnold role just yet, but it's pretty disappointing as well.  If you know 'The Scooby-Doo/Law & Order Rule,' you can figure it out.  This movie is all about setting up a scenario that sounds interesting and failing to execute it at every turn.  You can practically see the movie that this is supposed to be as you watch the movie actually in front of you.  Try to keep your seat belts on as we prepare to...
Nuclear war has made the Earth a rough place to live.  It would be nice to actually see that, but we don't.  Basically, there is a big, evil government group is controlling everything, despite no Police force being shown or their will being enforced in any way save for one.  The film takes place at a TV station run by this old man and his granddaughter.  This guy shows up on a motorcycle to deliver stuff they need.
Hey look- a giant robot in the background of this shot.  Will they use it to fight back against the evil government?  No.  Just forget about it for seventy minutes.
After the death of the grandfather, the heroes decide to figure out which one of them could be a robot.  This involves a blood test.  *cough* The Thing *cough*
Hey look- the most famous guy in the film- and the guy who was in TCM 2- is the robot.  I'm totally shocked.
After lots of running around and filler like that, our heroes end up outside with a wounded robot and hero.  The granddaughter (Megan Ward) uses the robot to crush Moseley.  Immediately after that, the giant thing malfunctions and 'dies.'  Ward and our hero just kind of leave, presumably passing the guy from Parasite along the way.  The End.
Why can't you be the movie you should be?  The plot of this movie is a disappointment, feeling like a side story to a better movie.  I want to see the evil government.  I want to see the resistance fight back.  Hell, I want to see the robot do something...anything!  Like a lot of Full Moon films, I have to go in knowing that I won't see the film that I really want to see.  The Trancers series is really good about setting up neat ideas- a future in peril, evil men with armies of mutants, etc- and never really executing them properly.  It's like the whole company is just a series of spec films in order for them to get loans from Bank of America or something.  There are some good moments in the film, but the pacing is really bad, leading to an ending that feels rushed.  As far as closure goes, you don't get much.  Oh yeah, having the other woman be a robot in the end for no clear reason was dumb too!  On the plus side, they don't force the comedy element in like they usually do these days.  Take us away, pointless nude scene...
Next up, two horror actors for hire elevate a standard Full Moon film.  Who needs a good plot when you have that?  Stay tuned...

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