Oh my god, I have made it to the end. But at what cost? Have my standards been lowered by the sheer force of these mostly-average-but-never-great movies? Will I suddenly think that Lucio Fulci is a director with no blemish? Will I look forward to 'Tiny' Lister appearances in films? Only time- and future reviews- will tell. In the meantime, let's get past Full Moon Pictures for a while and finish up with...
Yeah, I don't need to even say anything, do I? I thought not.*
The film begins with a montage of the last movie. This goes on for roughly ten minutes a.k.a. an eternity. Your first sign of worry has to come when your lead-in is this long for a movie that is just over seventy minutes. Combine this with the re-use of footage from the beginning of Trancers IV (which is also shown in the montage, in case you are completely dumb and forget by the end) and nearly a quarter of the film is old footage. You lazy bastards.
*
The real movie begins with a long scene of Tunnel Rats running around and killing the nobles. Of course, Jack is not there. Thanks for helping, buddy. We cut to Jack and his lady pal hanging out. I neglected to mention a couple plot points in my last review, so let me correct that. The weapon's designer lady has a 'double' in this alternate dimension. You would think that they would be setting up a Peter Pan sort of thing (where the dad is also Captain Hook), but you would be wrong. It's just her. Anyhow, in the interim between the two films (big shock), he has grown tired of the subservient nature she possesses from years as a slave. Her character arc gets a little weird as she basically turns into the seer (replacing the one who died in the fourth film). His story was a bit odd too. He dies after standing up to a noble and doing...well, nothing. He falls over and uncovers a sketch of his death. All things considered, that qualifies as suicide in my book.
*
So, basically, this is what happens: the villain comes back to life and all hell breaks loose. He does this by having a painting of him be unraveled and, voila, he's alive. It's nice how easy that is, isn't it? His evil plan involves getting some mysterious gem that will allow him to access untold power. It is stored, naturally, in the Castle of Imminent Death. This movie is all about subtlety. As luck would have it, this same artifact also would give Jack the power to return to his home world. Jack and the villain's reformed-son Prospero head off and learn to respect each other along the way. Jack's very anti-trancer attitude is tested by the young man in a series of very forced dialogue interactions. Where did your subtle writing go, Peter David?
*
For such a long build-up (about 45 minutes), the final battle aspect goes pretty quickly. The villain beats up Prospero and Jack, but they escape. They manage to get back in time before the villain accomplishes his goal, but after the stunt coordinator/actor gets killed. Alas poor...somebody. Nobody important dies though. In a surprisingly quick fashion, the villain is killed...again and Jack returns home. But he is not alone though. Prospero goes with him, fearing that he will lose control around his love-interest lady. We get the same 'Jack is lost' footage, but with a little more. Jack and Prospero show up, the latter of whom is apparently cured by the trip. Con-ven-ient! Jack makes out with his version of the bitchy lady and we all live happily ever after...well, until the crappy 6th film. I will not review that, as it is made up of entirely stock footage of Tim Thomerson. Trancers without Thomerson- forget it.
*
Well, we all survived. Let's return to form with the end- and oddly enough- the fifth part of a different, crappier series. Stay tuned...
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