Thursday, July 30, 2009

Guns Guns Guns!: Mean Guns

Much like the last film, this movie is all about shooting. It also has it's share of stabbings, beatings and explosions too though. It comes from the mind of Albert Pyun, a director with a fairly-dubious reputation. He is the man behind such film as Captain America and Alien from L.A. Yeah, it's a movie full of shooting by a pretty incompetent director- you can see why I picked this now. So is there any redemption for this movie? Find out in my review of...
The film begins with Ice-T (not a good sign) talking cryptically about his plan. This is followed by a series of shots of random criminals arriving at an abandoned prison. Ah, it must be their annual Bake Sale. The group is quite mixed, from Chinese killers to ladies in catsuits to...Christopher Lambert with bleach blond hair. You don't see that every day- thank God! After a couple minutes of 'I don't like you' and 'Why are we here,' we get an explanation from Mr. Ice-T himself. Since he wants all betrayers to the Syndicate dead and wants it done in a hurry, he has a plan. The plan is simple: kill each other until there are only three of you left. When that is done, the winners will be given a split of $10 million dollars hidden somewhere in the building. But won't it take forever for them to kill each other with their bare hands?
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Ice-T answers your query by dumping a tub full of guns into the room. Unfortunately, they are all empty. A mad scramble begins with two more tubs are dumped down- one with baseball bats and one with bullets. Everyone runs around like crazy and the shooting begins. Only two people are not keen on the killing: an accountant for the Syndicate and a hooker who just got taken with. They spend most of the movie running and/or talking about how they 'should not be there.' Could you guys do me a favor and not rip of Clerks? In fact, there is nothing you can do to redeem yourself for...ooh, Lambert singing while beating people to death with a bat and spinning it like a sword (a trick later used by Adrian Paul in Code Hunter). Movie forgiven! There is still no other plot in the movie, save for the random back-stories of the killers. Is that enough to sustain another 70 minutes?
*
The movie is not without its faults, although there still are plenty. Lambert and company are entertaining, so the movie, naturally, continues to cut away from them for random action scenes. One amusing duo is a pair of killers who enjoy the wholesale slaughter just a tad too much. They even hum a jaunty tune while on the elevator between killings. There is loving your job and then there is loving your job. Like nearly everyone else in the movie, they meet a violent death. Oh, the movie also loves to pause for some weird flashbacks that loosely tie up in the finale. Aside from more shooting, there is only one other thing to really not about this movie- vampire Lambert! Okay, not really. In reality, he suddenly just appears hanging upside down from...something unseen and chokes one woman to death. Just like every other cool thing, of course, the movie jump cuts away too quickly.
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I won't spoil the end of this movie for you, since, well, it barely makes any sense. A couple of last minute plot reveals add nothing but more confusion. If action movies should be one thing, it is not confusing.
*
This movie is fun to watch, but is highly-flawed. Much like the heyday of pro-wrestling in the 1990s, you can have a damn fun time if you ignore everything that is wrong- and there are plenty. The plot is super-minimalist and only serves to string together action scenes. On top of that, the acting is all over-the-place. The action itself ranges from good to bad to 'wannabe John Woo.' While the latter is not uncommon for films from this day (1997), it is still a bit silly. This is especially true when you replace Chow-Yun Fat with Christopher Lambert. In spite of all of this, I cannot stay too mad at this movie. Why? A hooker's head sets on fire and it is put out by having it slammed into a locker. You definitely do not see that every day!
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Let's change gears and go from criminals to cops. Of course, you know that I will not pick just any sort of cop. Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. This sounds like something that shouldn't be incredible, but is anyway. Thanks for the heads-up on MEAN GUNS! I'll definitely seek this one out.

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