People always think about the two movies that compete during the summer- i.e. Dante's Peak and Volcano. What people often forget is the movies that try to grab onto the strands of interest in an attempt to make their own movie relevant. This is the idea behind today's movie. In the wake of Armageddon and Deep Impact, giant asteroids were huge...err, in movies, that is. To that extent, some producer hired a bunch of untalented black action stars and made this movie. It is...
The movie sets up a very odd narrative, but, hey, let's go with it. A scientist discovers a giant asteroid coming towards the Earth. He has developed an elaborate laser weapon that can put a stop to the threat- simple enough. Unfortunately, he is kidnapped by a mysterious group (headed by Mario Van Peebles) before he can do this. For some reason, we cannot just use his device (I guess the instructions were in Esperanto or something), so we need a Plan B. This comes in the form of a female FBI agent, who is tasked with finding him. Their only way to get him is with the help of a convicted Felon (Ice-T), who used to be a part of the cult. Can you say 48 Hours, kids?
*
Our two heroes do not get along, so this 105 minutes is sure going to be fun. Meanwhile, our scientist friend is held in a giant cage and guarded by, wait for it, "Tiny" Lister. Geez, weren't there any good black actors available? Hell, Tony Todd and Keith David could probably have freed up a weekend or two for you. What's next- Coolio? Oh crap, there he is. He provides a lead to help find the man at his hide-out, conveniently located in a poor (read:empty) section of L.A. In the movies lone good move, the questionably-haired man is killed in a shooting battle between our heroes and the evil gang. Want to know why they are the way they are?*
In a long monologue, Melvin's son explains that his group is a very strict Christian group (read:cult). They want to keep the man from stopping the asteroid, since they view it as God's instrument of retribution. They tend to view it as the opposite of the biblical flood, since, according to the book, He promised only that he would not use water again to cleanse the Earth. It is one thing to think crazy stuff like that- it is another thing to doom the Earth. Well, what else should we expect from Highlander 3's Kane?
*
As the movie goes on, we get some serious acting...attempts from "Tiny" Lister. The scientist tries to convince him that he should be free and questions his values. He seriously considers this moral dilemma. Excuse me, that is what we are supposed to see. In reality, he appears to just be constipated. Despite Peebles interruptions, he does free the scientist in time for Ice-T and his partner's arrival. He gets a belly full of lead in return for this. Two films with Lister and two deaths- good odds. We get more boring shoot-outs (maybe I am just jaded) in a dark, cheap setting. Eventually, Thomas Payne (Peebles) is killed and the scientist is able to avert disaster. Well, except for the one in Peru and a couple other ones. He is able to avert most of the disaster- close enough.
*
This movie is pretty bad. It is not 'I want to kill myself' bad (Blood Freak), 'I want to at least maim myself' bad (Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy) or 'I want to scoop my eyes out with a spoon' bad (Wild Zero). With a more competent set of actors, the movie could be more than passable. I get that you wanted to be like 48 Hours and Armageddon, but you could have aimed higher with your casting. To be fair, we need to take a long, hard look at the man behind the whole film: John Terlesky. That's right, the man who played the title hero in Deathstalker II directed this movie. The man who made Fire Serpent and Cerberus directed this. I should also mention that he was one of the credited writers on Warbirds, a film about WWII fighter pilots battling dinosaurs. Need I say anymore?*
Let's keep the Peebles theme going with a classic action film by a future star director. Oh wait, I'm wrong about one of those things. To find out which, stay tuned...
No comments:
Post a Comment