Alice Cooper was practically a horror actor in his own right. During the 70s and early 80s, his stage shows were the stuff of legend. Murder- check. Decapitations- check. Giant snakes for no good reason- big check. So what happened when someone actually made a horror film starring him? Was it Tommy or was it Kiss Meets The Phantom of the Park? Find out in my review of...
The film begins with a long music video of Alice Cooper. This is actually one of two songs that does not appear on any of his major albums, but does in this movie. Historical significance is on the side of this movie so far, even if the first song is odd. Basically, he is talking about his different moods and naming them after famous characters. This leads to Cooper dressing up in silly outfits to be 'James Bond,' 'Sherlock Holmes' and 'Jack the Ripper.' Oddly, the latter two have a rich history...but that is for another day. This video, which of course takes several set changes and costume flips, is done in one take as the movie would have us believe. Um...how about some plot, movie?
*
We finally get some as Alice and company head to the main character's old hometown to shoot a music video. Evidently, his old, dusty mansion is better than a sound stage. They are stopped by fog and a pesky law enforcement agent. The movie first hints at some strange background related to Alice's family and the town. After the Scooby gang leaves, the two cops are killed by an unseen werewolf and some rottweilers. Monster- check. Monster on screen- eh, not so much. He arrives home to find a big banner, but only one resident: the old butler. He is in no way the butler from Kid Notorious, but he does look similar. The house is worn-in, decrepid and dusty- let's party!
*
They start filming another video- which appears to be right out of a Dario Argento day-dream- before shit goes down. One of the ladies finds the bloody body of the butler (thanks for coming) and shooting, naturally, stops. To make matters worse, Alice is haunted by dreams about his family's past and a really silly-looking painting of his 'ancestor.' The film basically pads itself out a bit with this 'waking dream' thing for a while before the big finish.
*
It is usually nice to have visitors, but not when they are gun-wielding hunters who want you dead. A group of locals lock down the house and decide to kill everyone inside. Why? Because they think that Alice is a werewolf (the family curse). Why everyone else? Just because. Of course, one of the women ran off earlier and Alice followed before all of this happened. All of this leads up to the mother of all gun battles: Alice Cooper vs. Drunken Hicks. The skinny singer who has shown little aptitude for firearms does surprisingly well. Oh yeah, the werewolf shows its ugly head again before the end as well. Will our heroes survive? Will Alice escape the family curse? Will this movie get any more interesting? No, no and a big NO. The End.
*
This movie is really not that good and I can tell you why: Claudio Fragrasso. The man has never made all that good of a film before, as evidenced by Zombie 4 and Hell of the Living Dead (how have I missed this movie?!?). Casting Alice Cooper is a good idea, but they do one very bad one to counteract it: dubbing. You never hear Alice's voice in the film, save for the two songs. It is as jarring as hearing the real lady in Walk The Line after listening to Reese Witherspoon. This is also on par with Hercules in the Haunted World not getting Christopher Lee to do his English dubbing for the U.S. release. The DVD also has a very bad VHS transfer to boot, taking any polish off of the sub par effects. Aside from the novelty of seeing Alice Cooper in a horror film (he did a couple more BTW), this film is just not worth it. I'd rather just listen to School's Out for 90 minutes.
*
Horror films with pun titles are almost never good. This will be no exception. Stay tuned...
Damn why do I remember people saying this was awesome? Thats got "Im not going to bother" written all over it
ReplyDelete