80's Fun: Chopping Mall

I must admit that I have a soft spot for Jim Wynorski. Not in a 'man-crush' kind of way, but in an appreciation way. Much like Roger Corman or Joe Dante, I can find fun and joy in even his sillier works (i.e. Attack of the Crab Monsters or Looney Tunes: Back in Action). By no means is Jim that good of a director, but any man that can make fun of the Deathstalker films and, at the same time, make the most entertaining one, is good in my book. With that out of the way, here is my review of...

Chopping Mall

The film begins with a salesman explaining the ins and outs of the new experimental robot security guards. Basically, think Johnny 5 but with the attitude of Robocop's ED-209. Oh and random Paul Bartel cameo. The seller assures that the robots will make great security guards for the mall and will present no problems. It would be a boring movie if they didn't though.

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Next we are introduced to the real cast of the movie. They are a loose semblance of 80s horror cliches- including the couple that likes to have sex all the time, a nerdy pair and a snooty couple. They all work at a store in the mall and decide to stay overnight to 'party.' For the first group, you can figure out what that means. It does not take long for the other couple to do the same, so that just leaves our nerdy 'couple.' They are set-up that night and do the most natural thing to do: sit around and watch Attack of the Crab Monsters. Gee, I like your subtle dig at your own fans, Jim. While all of this is happening, lightning strikes the power charger of the robots and...short circuits them. I'm sorry, but that had to be made. By the way, they also kill Walter Paisley, since this is a film produced by Roger Corman and that is a requirement.

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Unfortunately, the first victim is John Terlesky, the man who played the title hero in Jim's Deathstalker II. I was hoping for more of a part for him, but ah well. His girlfriend shows up a couple minutes later and finds his body. She flees from one of the robots, who fires several shots at her with its lasers. In one of the big 'trailer moments,' it blows her head up with a laser blast...somehow. It is the same kind of laser from Future Force, I guess- the one that can singe stone one moment and blow up a car the next. Our heroes see this and freak out- finally, a realistic character moment! Things are going to get crazy now!

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The big scene involves all three robots bursting into the Sears-like store and wreaking havoc! Our heroes escape- but for how long? Not that long at all, it seems. Fortunately, the young people find a store that stocks several firearms and ammo. Where is this mall- Texas?!? This only helps a little, however, since the robots are nearly bullet-proof. A completely-laughable plan involving jumping from a banister manages to take one down, but also ends with the death of one of the men. All the best laid plans of men and idiotic movie characters.

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The film's climax admittedly is pretty cool. With only two people left (I won't say which two) and one robot, the numbers are still not good. One genuinely-tense scene involves the lone woman hiding in a pet store. She has to ignore the spiders and snakes crawling all over her. Eventually, she sets up a trap in a hardware store involving wet paint, sawdust and fire. She lures it in there, causes it to get stuck in the paint and sawdust mix and lights the place up. A massive explosion ends the final robot and, as luck would have it, her guy friend is actually still alive...until the sequel! I'm just kidding- they never made one. Yet.

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Yeah, the movie is really dumb. It is low-budget, silly and has almost no plot. The majority of the plot is set-up early on (the scientists are killed and the robots run free) and the rest of it is just reacting. 'Someone is coming- so let's react.' They also kill off the most fun actor (Terlesky) way too early on. In spite of all of this, the movie is fun and- to be honest- ably-directed. The man behind Komodo vs. Cobra can actually direct pretty well. The acting is...well, 80's to the max. My usual qualification of 'forgiving horror fans should like this' feels kind of silly here. Whether you get the movie under the original title (Killbots) or the release title (Chopping Mall), you know what you are getting. I like killer robots- sue me.

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While I await your litigation, I will cover a superhero movie in honor of Watchmen's DVD release. By the way, it's from Thailand. Stay tuned...