Moon Over Miami: Dollman vs. Demonic Toys

Full Moon is like Troma, only they are actually adequate filmmakers. Their films tend to have silly, but less bizarre titles than the New Jersey competitors. Does Evil Bong really match up to Poultreygeist? Despite them making what I feel is one of the worst movies of all time (Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys), I still watch their movies. So what happens when not one, not two but THREE of their films sync up? Find out in my review of...

Dollman vs. Demonic Toys

The film begins by immediately tying into the first Dollman movie. Their lead- Brick Bardo- is wandering into a new town after the events of the first movie. Showing the kind of luck that has gotten him into all of his previous messes, he shows up in the town that birthed the Demonic Toys. What- you couldn't find Pleasant Valley? As luck would have it, he also runs into the diminutive nurse from Bad Channels. She is a cute lady, but plagued by people looking for a story. In yet another plot setup, the lady detective from Demonic Toys is convinced that the evil was not eliminated last time and will return. One bleeding hobo in a toy factory later and she is proven right.

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Naturally, all three of our heroes meet up and decide to do something. It doesn't help that our lady detective's comrades think that she is crazy when no evidence shows up. All of them go into the toy factory, but find a lot of resistance. For one thing, there are new Demonic Toys, including a giant toy soldier that comes after Xtro, but before Small Soldiers. Oh and they converted the factory's midget bodyguard into an agent of Satan. No, really. The battle gets intense and our lady character dies, apparently having too many other projects to work with. How will our heroes win now?

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Oh shit, we're almost done and I need this to be longer. I know, I'll do what the filmmakers did: pad it! Because the movie is a culmination of three films technically, they felt the need to explain all of them. You get Bardo explaining the whole plot of Dollman via film clips, followed a bit later by the Nurse explaining the entire plot of Bad Channels with clips of her own. Near the end, the Toys' leader gives us an explanation of their backstory through, wait for it, clips from the entire movie. Actually, I should not be negative. I was just saved the experience of having to watch three whole movies. I could just do reviews from these clips.

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No, I'm not going to.

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Fortunately, Dollman is very good at kicking ass, because his girlfriend's skill set appears to consist entirely of reacting, screaming and running. Thanks for nothing, honey. He takes out most of the major toys with his laser gun...which still has plenty of ammunition. He eventually gets captured and the giant Baby villain sets his plans in motion. He ties down the Nurse (who was re-captured for like the 8th time) and explains that his plans involve a little hanky-panky. Thanks to a magic spell, he is human. Naturally, the lady just kicks him in his newly real balls. He gets shot by Dollman and the threat is ended. Or is it?!? It stayed away for a while until...that movie that I hate. The threat of a new Demonic Toys movie is lingering on the horizon like a shark's fin as well.

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The movie is honestly not bad, but there is very little substance. You get roughly twenty minutes of character and story set-up, twenty minutes of rehashed footage and explanation & twenty-ish minutes of action. Yeah, the movie is barely over an hour long. Get used to this with Full Moon films. The entire Trancers series is the equivalent length of the first two Lord of the Rings movies...and not the Director's Cut versions. If you can accept that the film is short, pulpy and not all that deep, you can have a good time. It is by far the best film whose title includes the words 'Vs. Demonic Toys.'

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Let us combine two of our favorite things: vampires and space. Stay tuned...